WONDERS SHALL NEVER END!

hey my toothaches, what's good? Big news! My bday's coming up in 12 days! yes o! i'm counting it. lol. initially, i wasn't going to do anything but some of my girls started pressurizing me and now i'm just as excited as they are. So there is no grand plans but we're just going to hangout at a little fancy-like resturant and then go clubbing. At least that was the plan. A plan that i didn't come up with o! it was suggested to me and i thought it would be nice. But now, two of the very same babes who put this idea into my head are beginning to act crazy.

STELLA
This friend of mine is a serious party animal. She knows where the party's at, who'll be there, what will go down. To the extent that the couple of times i've gone clubbing with her, when we get to the door they just take on look at her and go, 'hey babe, come in come in' she's that popular at parties. Anyways, last week we were chatting online.

Me- chic, which club you go recommend make we go na?

Stella- Bibi, I be wan talk to you sha

Me- wetin happen?

Stella- I nor go fit go your bday with you?

Me- why?

Stella- my new bf nor like party

Me- so leave am for house

Stella- no, he nor like make I dey go party too

Me- u serious?

Stella- I beg nor vex

Nor vex? Of course I'm vexed! lol. But truthfully this conversation just made me laugh one of my ass cheeks off because I remember her last bf didn't like her wearing makeup, so chic gave away all her MAC! To be truthful, I helped her throw away some of them into my makeup kit. After I berated her for changing herself for a man of course. lol. I told her iit would be fun to see what the next bf wants her to stop doing

LAILA
She's a very good friend of mine. Known her for a while. Just last night I got a text msg

Bibi, pls call me. I wannna talk about ur bday. If u still wanna go to the club I won't come and I hope u won't do that. And I want to invite you to something at my church.

Now this msg made me laugh my second ass cheek off because of the hint of 'I'm now a born again christian' in it. Which would have made sense if Laila hadn't just moved in with her boyfriend a month ago. I called my friend back and told her, here you are, 'living in sin' with your bf and you're trying to preach to me? I beg remove the crap in your eye before you try removing mine.
Now, I'm not even mad that they're not coming. Matter of fact, I understand. I just think its funny that's all. lol

NIGERIAN HATERATION 2

Hey my toothaches, how have y'all been doing? miss me much? *nods* i thought so. lol. Anyways, i don miss una die o! A little birdie told me that while i was on my little trip, some of my dearly beloved bloggers departed! How true is that?! But i will try not to dwell on sad memories and move on with my blogging life. So, down to business. This is a continuation of a post i did a loooong while back. never thought i would continue it but last week something happened that got my knickers in a knot nor be small. It all began when my friend got her hair braided. Now, those of you females who are abroad know what i mean when i say that i have never braided my hair since i crossed Alhaji Murtala Mohammed airport. walai talai! Because those things they call braids over here heh! Since i came into this country, i have had this recurring nightmare that i will step into a salon to get my hair braided and come out looking like medusa. *shudders* (yes o, it is that serious) But as i was saying, i saw my friend's braids and was never the same again. (reciting poetry) Just imagine; long silky tresses with smooth twists, smooth twists that cry of the mastery of their maker! smooth long tresses that run the length of her back! smooth long tresses that made me hunger to be under the Ikeja bridge on a hot sweaty day, having five people poke their hands up in my head and give me headache that lasts for weeks. smooth long tresses that... Heh...i'm sure you get my point. So as i was saying, i saw my friend's hair o! and if you see the way i begged her for the number of the person who made such a master piece heh? you would have thought that i was a starved man begging for bread. well, in a way, i was. so, long story short, it was a couple of Camerounian girls who had just came into the country and i got an appointment to make my hair that very same day. I got to their house and they started braiding my hair. as they were in the middle of it, some friends of theirs came over and them con start to speak their pidgin english. And from what i could understand which is most of it, apparently these babes nor get kpali(legal papers)and according to them, they can get it by only two ways.

1. Marry a not so wise guy who is aware that you have no papers but convince him that you have fallen in love with him in the two weeks since you met him and get him to marry you in a month.

2. Sit in front of a panel of investigators and lie that you are seeking asylum from the on going war in your country and risk going to jail for the rest of your not so longer long life if you misanswer one of the about five thousand questions they ask you.

Tough decision that. Now according to these girls, the cons about option 1 is that the Camerounian community here is very small and when a guy "courts" you, he will want to sample the goods abi? and before you find the mugu you are looking for, word don spread say you dey spread your leg. their words, not mine. which leaves us with option number two. As they started rehearsing the answer to the questions, curiosty got the best of me and i asked them a question. Bad move.

Me: So you go tell the embassy say una run from una country?

chic 1: yea. you nor hear this kine lie before now?

Me: No o.

Chic 2: you be from Nigerian yes?

Me: yes

Chic 1&2: hmm hmm

Me: wetin be hmm hmm?

Chic 2: you Nigeria people, u get am easy

Me: how?

chic 2: becos una come here, get job, get house, get car. nor get problems

me: because we dey work.

chic 1: becos una dey help unaself. nor help other people. Nigeria people selfish

me: how we wan take help una? by marriage?

chic 2: God forbid am for me! marry NIgeria? No way!

chic 1: i go back to me country instead of marry Nigeria boy. them evil

Me; so how we go take help if una nor go even marry us?

chic 2; una know road for this country well well. una suppose show us how to get una kine job, show us road

chic 1: but una stay together, nor make friends with anybody else but nigeria, carry your nose for air like say the rest of us dey smell. una feel too good than us. we are neighbours, you suppose to help us

chci 3: yes, everywhere you go Nigerians. school, church, club. nigerians. dem feel too big. dem think dem own everything here.

Chei! i don start to see blue and black right now!

me: ok, e don do.

chic 2: no, we nor mean to insult you, you just tell you how it is

me: but you are insulting me.i am a nigerian afterall.

chic 1: yes, which is why we tell you how it is. so you know.

me: no, i nor know anything. una think say na only una dey come here come suffer? everybody comes here and suffer. before we get jobs we suffer too. you know what your problem is, you come here expecting miracles and maybe because people have told you that in America, there are trees of money and all you have to do is pluck. and now you think that we Nigerians have hidden this tree in our backyards

I nor know why but when i start to get pissed off, i subconciously switch to grammar. lol go figure.

Chic 3: no, no its not like that. okay, there are a lot of nigerians here right? and because of that you all know things and how they work so you help eachother but you don't tell nobody these things to help them too.

chic 1; because them are selfish! and wicked! i used to have this nigerian boyfriend. for 2 years, him nor give me 1 penny. nor even buy me vaseline.

chic 2: and the girls, dem think they are too all that. and try to steal your man.

me: i beg i beg, lets not even go into that. i be just dey ask about the asylum thing. every foreign country get the thing when dem dey take lie if them dey look for papers. if una own na asylum, do your thing. but see una dey say Nigerian nor dey help people. but since i dey here na curse una just dey curse us. how i go take help una like that? if say i get job or something when i for fit help you with, you think say i go tell u now?

that definately shut them up. and really truely, my aunt just opened aan African shop and she is looking for workers she can pay "under the table" and if those chicas hadn't opened their mouth to utter such insults i would have hooked them up. but now, how can i let them work for my aunt who is a Nigerian? make them nor carry their hateration enter her shop i beg. so, too bad.

But before we got into our little debate, one of the girls told a story of how she got her own asylum. Apparently, when they started asking her her questions, she started to falter. smart babe when she be, she turned her problem to her advantage. the investigator guy asked her what made her run away from Cameroun. The babe say when he ask her that one, her head nor fit find any answer so she tell am say them rape her. she said she bent her head because she dey think for her head say, "na im be this! dem don catch me today" but the man mistook her palava for shame and said "its okay, its okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. i understand that it is painful for you and i'm sorry. but i just still have to ask you a couple of questions. do you think you are up to that?" the babe say she nod head like person when never eat for weeks. the guy con tell her to expand on how she was raped. the kine tory when this babe come up with heh? and me i thought i had an imagination. she tell the man say after they raped her, she had a baby but that some villagers came and threw her baby into a fire because the man who raped her was from the tribe they were fighting against. of course none of this is true. the babe laughed so hard after relating the story, i actually felt sorry for that investigator man. Genius right?! the babe is too much. but you know how the oyibos are out to save the world. they take a little fight between two communities and when they say it on the news, you would think they were talking about world war III. Now, i'm not saying that they are wrong or that it is wrong of them to help but you have to admit that sometimes they tend to get carried away. especially in relation to Africa.

I remember one time in Warri when they were having one of the ishekiri and ijaw fights. i was going back to uniben that day and i took the Edegbe line. Deal is, when you have lived in Warri for a while, you tend to get used to their tantrums. and you learn where to go and when to go there at this period of time when they are doing this certain thing. so even if they are fighting, life goes on. most of the markets are still open, people still go to school and life goes on as usual. now, i'm not saying that they don't have really major fights where the state is really closed down, because they do. but this particular fight was a mild one. when i got to Benin that day, i was watching CNN when i heard..."there is a major war crisis on going between two tribes in the city of warri, delta state in Nigeria. This war has been going on concurrently for the past two weeks and the government fears that there is no stopping them this time. the market places are shut down, schools are closed and people are living in fear in their houses of being sluttered to death at the hands of these blood thirsty touts. As of now, the governement is contemplating sending in wagons of food into the state..." In Naija, say who die! anyways, you understand when i say, they tend to over exaggerate.

GYM BUDDIES & THE VOTE ON BSNC

Hey y'all, what's good? so much has been happening recently but i'm just taking them in stride. we'll talk about those later. But for today, i have a beef with BSNC but we will get there in time. lol
So, i ususally take an aerobics class every thursdays at my gym and its actually fun! but initially, i thought the instructor was a glutton for punishment (actually, she still is). she just loves to see someone in pain! as in serious pain. its funny now that i'm used to it but it wasn't initially o! i felt like strangling the skinny b*. lol. not anymore though. So last thursday, i got to class a little bit early and started doing some warm ups. and in walks these two chics. they are gym buddies cos i've seen them a couple of times. you know all those notice me types abi? Those types that walk into the gym with some kind of hot pant and bra thingy lol, the type that climb on the bikes and "work out" for a really long time but not even one ounce of sweat will pour from their bodies because they have the resistance set on 0? which is just as easy as playing ten-ten? yep, that's the kind of chics they are. no pun intended. lol. so this particular day, they walked into the class and just started doing all sorts of stretches and jumping up and down. as we were about to start, the punisher asked if there was any newbites and the girls waved. she told them that the rules of the class was that you could not stop unless going for a water break but even your water break should not last for more than a minute and even then, one part of your body must be moving. like, you can be drink your water but your legs should still be in sync with the class. lol. the girls were like "no probs" "no probs".

CHIC1- we usually work out for 3 hours everyday so this should be a child's play. hahahaha

THE PUNISHER- okay, just remember that you can't leave midway.

CHIC1, CHIC2- no probs, no probs

the punisher was like take your places and all that. we all lined up and started our warm up session. its usually a one hour class. 15 mins warm up, 30 mins work out, 15 mins cool down. so we start the warm up session(which is not a child's play o!). these chics where beside me and within about 8 mins they are panting heavily. which is normal for a first timer. but what got me cracking was when the punisher said "okay! i'm sure everyone's warmed up now! so lets get started!" they chics exclaimed seriously o!

CHIC1- Warmed up! o God!

CHIC2- We're not even started?! so what have we been doing since!

we start the main koko and these girls were almost crying o. The punisher saw them and started laughing (i told you she's a glutton for punishment abi?) their pain made her focus on them entirely. she moved to where they were and started "coaching" them. Bad thing is, she had her microphone on so everyone could hear her talking. no scratch that. everyone could hear her shouting. lol

THE PUNISHER- i thought you said you work out for 3 hours everyday?! well, it sure ain't showing now! work those abs! i can see you've been eating one too many doughnuts huh?!

CHIC2- no!

THE PUNISHER- it hurts?!

CHIC1- y...yes

THE PUNISHER- Good. hehehehehe! twenty more to go!

i pity for those girls heh! before the class was even over, they were already lying on the floor. and the punisher had to send them out so people wouldn't step on them. worse of all, the walls of the class are made of glass and some guys outside who enjoy a little bit of voyeurism usually stand and watch. they laughed at these chics heh! even by the time the class was over and i was leaving, they were still talking about "the girls who didn't have no stamina".

So, finally we get to BSNC's part. let me state my case. as we all know, the accused did a special on her 50th post, (yeah yeah wharever). and at the end of the post, she did a dedication to every blogger you can think of. verrrrrrrrry long list! (so tey, i tire to read am). but you know what aggrevation she committed?! she "forgot" imagine that, "fooorgoot" to put my name!!!!. chei!!!! i have suffered nor be small! so Bibi is now so easy to forget abi? after all these years of friendship, you would think that...never mind *sobs* but blogsville, is it fair? *sobs* isn't this an infringement on my right as a friend? *sobs* what on heaven or earth have i done to deserve such...such abandonment? *sobs* Okay o! i understand that Bibi does not qualify as a blogger anymore *sobs* okay o, no wahala. its all good. *walks dejectly to the corner*
But before i go, i am putting up a poll. if you agree that an injustice was done to the defendant, please vote from these options.

a) BSNC, how could you?

b) BSNC, it is so unfair na!

c) BSNC, na wa for you o.

d) *shakes head*

Please choose your answers and vote in your comments.
*sobs* thank you for your time. bwaaaahhhaaaaa. *wipes nose*

DID ANYONE MISS ME? EVEN A LITTLE? + ADDICTED TO PORN

Hey people, whats good? first of all, let me say that it feels so good to be blogging again. long time no keypad. anyways, how has everyone been? any new bloggers i don't know about? i guess i have to look up sting on that one. lol
Alot has been happening and has happened in the bit i've been away. from my card getting charged a ridiculous amount for a porno site, to me falling in love with a 86 year old man.(really, not.lol). it as been a wild ride since i've been away and i can't wait to share with you guys and get your opinions again.
Lemme tell you guys about the porno thing. A couple of weeks ago, i was trying to buy some shoes and I gave the sales clerk my ATM/debit card and she told me that it was rejected. What do you mean by rejected? i have been working my ass off for the past couple of weeks and that account was supposed to be the fruit of my labor so what do you mean by it was rejected? (well, i didn't exactly tell her that but i definately thought it!) i immediately went online to check my account. my savings was still intact but my checkings was reading -$495.00!!! for what?!!. i called the bank up immediately. if you see the list of websites that i had "supposedly" subscribed to heh, the names of some of the made me blush, if you can imagine that! sites like brazzers, f***dhard18, animeplanet, and so on and so forth. the sites ran up to a total of 12! 12 porno sites! me ke?! i have not even graduated from my little romance novels that talk about things like his manhood and her secret place, talk less of sites with names like f***dhard?! I was asked to go to my bank and file a report. i was cool with it until i got there. i was sent to the office of this drop dead georgous guy who was to attend to me. chei! your girl has suffered sha! see what i went through

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS DUDE- Miss Bibi i see that your account was overcharged due to some subscriptions to some...adult sites

ME- Err...yeah. i mean, so i heard

DDGD- yeah well, i'll ask you the names of these websites and you'll tell me if you recognise any of them okay?

ME- sure

DDGD- Erm... most of these sites where posted between the period of June the 30th and July the 4th. the first is for a site called brazzers.com. do you recognise them?

ME- unless they sell brasiers, i don't believe i know of them.

DDGD- (laughs)no, they definately do not sell brasiers. the next is for bigboobiesintheoffice.com. do you know of that?

ME- nope

DDGD- okay, the next is for f***dhard18.com do you recognize that one?

ME- Err...no, i don't.

DDGD-the next says, lesbianlovers.com are you a... i mean, do you recognise this one?

ME- no i don't and no i'm not a lesbian

DDGD- i didn't ask you if you were

ME- you were about to

DDGD- no i wasn't and the next is...

ME- look, i haven't recognised the ones you just asked why do you think i'll recognise the others?

DDGD- Ma'am, i have to do this okay?

ME- okay

DDGD- the next is...(stretching tie) ma'am, would you mind if i just gave you this list to go through instead of reading them...

ME- the list would be fine thanks

from supertitties to amazingbutts to analslut and so on and so forth. by the time we were done, he had released his tie like, seven times. lol. and as for me, my ears felt so dirty. i was so embarrassed! and i had to fight the urge to scream at him, 'i didn't use all these sites okay, so next question!!!" but i had to seat there and endure all the...names. just by hearing the names, i'm sure my little laptop will crash if i even type in the names. na wa sha! although i have no issues with this person watching porno, my question is why did they decide to use my card for their viewing pleasure? anyways, my money was refunded after a whole bunch of drama. thank God for that.

P.S- did i mention that i didn't actually subscribe to those sites? someone was just using my card illegally. yeah well, just wanted to clear the air on that one. lol
By the way, i finished my script! Yay! i just had to because i had another story eating me up. i just started my second called DYNASTY. yay me! lol

UNDERAGE, IN LABOUR

Hey y'all, whats good jare? wetin dey happen? i know i have been kind of a disappearing act lately but the stress that comes with leaving a job and getting a new one has gotten to me. but i have it under lockdown now so, i'll be fine. And because of my long voyage from blogsville, i haven't been commenting on people's blog but i'm back now. kinda. lol.
anyways, last week i went to an aunts house to take her shopping for some shoes. this aunt of mine has three teenage boys and they had a friend staying over for the summer. i thought teenage boys were supposed to be gangly, awkward and shy? immediately i saw their friend Tyler, i was dismissed of that motion. quick quick! Tyler started staring at me the minute i walked in the door. and i don't mean the annoying stare but rather the nerve racking kind of stare that you feel at the back of your neck. and it would have helped if Tyler looked like the average 18 year old boy. He doesn't! He has the kind of body a 27 year old man would be proud of. Plus he has it imprinted in his head that i am the love of his life. na wa o! so like i said, last week i went over to their house and i could already feel his eyes on me. Now, I have a lot of male cousins and nephews so i'm used to their friends having crushes on me. i am also used to catching them staring at my boobs or my ass but the thing is, immediately i catch them, they take their eyes away. But Tyler? Tyler did not take his eyes away o! Rather, he stared at me some more then gave me a cute smile. i was amused but i thought it would end there. Lai lai. This boy waited for me outside.

Tyler- Hi

Me- Hey, You going somewhere?

T- no, i was just waiting for you

Me- really? why?

T- i think you know why Bibi

Me- Actually i don't

T- really? well, if you're going to act all missish about it, i'll come out blunt with it. i think i'm in love with you

At this stage, i was in shock. not because of what he said, but because of how he said it! he was even looking me straight in the eyes. How bold!

Me- Errr...how old are you exactly Tyler?

T- I just turned 18. why?

Me- i don't know if your friends told you but i'm way older than 18

T- so?

Me- so, you're too young

T- That doesn't matter. i'm feeling you and i know you're feeling me too.

see me see trouble o. anyway, to cut a long story short, dude keeps on bugging my life. and the funny thing is that, i find myself thinking "if he weren't so young..." too bad i don't do teenagers.

so, on saturday i was in a family friends house, who happens to be pregnant. And i was over at her house when she decided to fall into labour. funny thing is, i came there with the bus and her husband used the car to work. so we were carless. I quickly called a cab and they said they would be there in 45 minutes! she would have had the baby by then for Chrissakes! she told me to go knock on her neighbour's door and ask if they would drop her off at the hospital.

NEIGHBOUR 1
Knock' knock'

Potbelly dude- yeah, what u want?

Me- Errr....your neighour? my friend...she kinda needs a ride to the hospital because she just feel into labour.

Potbelly dud- which neighbour?

Me- the Kenyan lady who lives downstairs?

Potbelly dude- Oh, the dark skinned lady with the big boobs?

Me- (nods)

Potbelly dude- damn! she pregnant? for real? didn't know that. Damn! all y'all ladies just knocked up these days mehn. can't find a single lady who ain't got a kid anymore. thats messed up son.

Me- right. so, what about the ride?

Potbelly dude- Ehm...you gon have to call a cab or something for that shit babe. ain't got time for that. straight up.

Me- thanks


NEIGHBOUR 2

Knock' Knock'

Big hair chic- yeah?

Me- Hi, sorry to wake you up but my friend who lives downstairs said to ask you if you can give her a ride to the hospital cos she's kind of in labour right now.

Big hair- she's in labour?

Me- Err...yeah

Big hair- Awww shit. okay, well i have to walk pookey first before i can talk her. my baby hasn't been out today. so, i'll just take her for a quick stroll then i'll come take her to the hospital okay?

SAY WHAT?!! is it just me or did in just say that she is in labour?

NEIGHBOUR 3

Knock' Knock'

same ol story just this time he told me to leave him the hell alone. Thats most American neigbours for you. lol

MY SUGAR DADDY

Hey y'all, whats good? first of all, i have to apologize to everyone who commented on my previous posts. i haven't been replying your comments because i haven't had a computer at my disposal for a while now. So i've been using my phone to hop in and out of blogsville for the past couple of weeks. Anyways, i know the topic has you itching. sugar daddy? well, i have to disappoint you a little. i don't have a real life sugar daddy. At least not the last time i checked. lol. But i kinda have one that provides for me. Before y'all get on my case, lemme explain. So, last summer i decided to spoil myself with a new phone. A rather expensive one but i was willing to buy it and so i did. Or i think i did. since i use tmobile, i gave them a call and ordered the phone. The customer representative guy told me that they would send me the bill (which was $380) along with my monthly, so i kukuma chilled. My monthly bill came and it was just the way it always was. no 380 included. Being a christian babe that i am (clears throat) i called them and told them that they forgot to send me the phone bill. They said they would the next month and i said okay. Next month came and went, no phone bill. Imagine me and my mouth wen dey scratch me, i called them again! imagine that! i know, i know, but sometimes my conscience makes me do things...*sighs* Anyways, i called them again and they told me the same thing. "we will include the cost to your next month's bill". The next bill sha came again and like before, the phone cost was not in it. This time i didn't call them to tell them anything o! na their business be that. Months went by and early January this year, i decided to axt stupid and receive a phone call while i was standing in the rain waiting for a bus although i had an umbrella. Matter of fact, it was BSNC who i was talking to so blame her for me. lol. Anyways, after the phone call i got home and tried using my precious but it was off and refused to come on. I called the tmobile people and they asked me to check that lil paper at the battery side of the phone that was supposed to be white? Mine was pink! That meant that the phone had been water damaged. They agreed to send me another phone but i had to pay them an extra $100. what will i do na? i agreed. I got my new phone a couple of days later and when the monthly bill came again, i didn't see any $100 charge. Since i was broke that period, i didn't even call to notify them of their mistake. which one be my own? so, just last week here, my precious just froze. He refused to work. No matter which of his button i pressed, he just sat there looking and me. His lights weren't even blinking! So i called my people again o. Let me just digress at this point and advice all the ladies. If you ever need a favor from your phone company, DO NOT TALK to a female representative. They are mean! seriously. when i called, i talked to this lady. i already knew she was going to give me trouble. Imagine she told me that i had to send my phone to them for inspection and after two weeks, they would decide if they will give me a new one or not. Imagine that! Never ever, in my history with tmobile has anyone ever told me that. i sha asked this lady what she expected me to use during those two weeks when they will be "deciding". She adviced me to go to a tmobile shop and get a rental phone for $100. I laughed in her ears and told her to forget it. I didn't even know they had rental phones. na wa o! Anyways, i hung up and called back after about 30 mins. i knew i was going to talk to another representative. Lucky enough for me it was a guy. i turned on the charm and tuned into the sexy voice. I got not only a new phone but a new battery and charger for my efforts. lol. My memory card has crashed and i think i'll call to talk a new one out of them soon. All under a phone i haven't paid for. That's my suga dadda. lol

NEW BLOG IN THE BUILDING!!!-AUDIO POST

Hey y'all, whats good? if you're remember, BSNC, Miss Flyhigh and myself have been talking about this blog we're opening.
well, we have done it o! Finally! If i give you the gist about how this blog came about heh! but that one na gist for anoder day. lol
And for our first post, we did an audio post so check it out. (click here)

ANONYMOUS

Hey y'all whats good? Well, been working through the weekend so i couldn't reply to some of the comments on my previous post. But let me use this venue to say thank you guys and I will be replying your comments right after i'm done with this.
so, i log on to my blog a couple of minutes ago and i see this comment. An anonymous comment. it was a really long comment or should i say comments since this person came back to reply the people who replied her. Makes sense? Well, i wanted to ignore the comments and i was going to until i came across a part where she said that everyone who left a comment was my "supporters club". Now that part made me go "aww hell no". So anonymous, this one's for you.

First of all and the most important, i don't appreciate you coming over here and insulting my fellow bloggers for stating their opinion. What makes you think that you are the only one speaking your mind? What makes you think that if they disagreed with me, they wouldn't say it out loud? FYI, not everybody is a coward like you.

Secondly, @ "I think you are overeacting, you can respond maturely without being spiteful".
And i suppose you think you were being mature in coming over here and spilling your guts? Well another FYI, if you feel like talking trash don't come over to my blog and do it. open your own. Then maybe I would read it and take you seriously

@ "having personally read the posts referred to, i don't know why one should be termed a 'hater' for making the comments she did regarding them".
First of miss ITK, i didn't call her a hater because of "the comments" she made. Its actually a reciprocal name. so before you take her on as a victim, get your facts straight.

@ "I suppose its difficult for me to accept that she is a voice for victims of sexual abuse"
Whoa whoa whoa. hold your brakes hun. i never said i was a victim of sexual abuse. There's a difference between sexual abuse and molestation. Again, get your facts straight before you yap. And i also never said i was a voice for victims. matter of fact, i was thinking of only myself when i posted that.

@ Nigerian fetish's hair color comment, i can only repeat myself and say, go open your own blog and then put your pic up there. Again, maybe then i will take you seriously

@ "am not being judgemental, i was just trying to be neutrel and basically, i was pretty alarmed at the amount of commenters who chose to insult the 'hater' thereby stoking the fire. I was onlty being Christlike in my approach by simply stating 'let he without sin cast the first stone'. We all tend to pass judgement all the time (rightly or wrongly),and the hypocrisy here was alarming, hence the reason why i chose to be 'the voice of reason' lol!!!"
Hypocracy? Anybody who had any sense in their head will admit that what that girl said was supposed to remain in the 1800's. There's nothing judgemental aboout that. I dare you to say out in the streets that you think it is okay for anyone to say what she said.

@ "Of 'cos Bibi is free to write whatever she wants to write on her blog, and the rest of 'us' have no right to express our true opinions on her posts except we 'stoop to her level of insults' I strongly beg to differ".
Insults? I would love to show you some insults that would apply to you but i listened to Joel Osteen today and i don't want to foul my tongue

Now miss Anonymous, as I have said i have no probs with you speaking your mind but please do not come over here to do it at the expense of other bloggers. Do it on your own blog. Although i have to admit that some of the things you said made some sense but you spoilt them with all the other rubbish you did say. Now that you have gotten the attention you wanted, in response to the comments about my blogger friends and my cuzz, I have just three words for you. GO FUCK YOURSELF. Have a wonderful day *wink*

P.S- this will be the only response you will get from me

ASHAMED?

You know what? i'm kinda pissed right now. You know why? Because this biotch....*sigh* A couple of weeks ago, I invited a friend to view my blog. she in turn invited a friend of hers (hater) who's spirit and mine don't agree in the first place, to view it too. so, since i haven't talked to friend in a bit, i called her up and naturally, we started to talk about what she thought of the posts. She told me she thought they were very nice but that hater didn't like my posts about the reverend father (click here) and my cousin (click here)because "she thought you was acting proud of situations that are supposed to make you ashamed"....ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!! I am supposed to be ashamed? of what pray tell? That a couple of people wanted to give me some attention that i didn't want or need? seriously? If I, being one of the lucky ones is ashamed of that, what happens to the girl who wasn't as lucky as I to escape unscathered? What happens to the little girl or woman who was raped? Is she supposed to hang her head in shame? Be ashamed of herself? What for? The fact that she was too appealing for some man to resist? Or that she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Ashamed? Are you for real hater? you know what i think? i think you should be the one ashamed. For thinking that because of an incident no matter how big, a woman's life should come to a halt. But being a weak willed woman that you are, i don't really blame you. A little wake up call for you my darling, when bad things happen to strong women, they pick themselves up no matter how long they have been down and move on. And in cases of molestation or rape, the only people who have something to be ashamed of are the people who carried it out. So wipe your eyes and move past your ignorance because you obviously have a lot to learn. You need to burst out of that bubble of yours and feel the hamattan and understand that because you never encountered stuff like those, that doesn't make you better than someone who did. You need to understand that real people, are not classified by situations that they had absolutely no control over. For someone with a degree in Psychology, you are the definition of stupid.

NO MORE

Hey y'all, what's good? hope you had fun this weekend past cos i did. kinda. lol. So I tried my hands at the audio posting thingy but i don't think it's for me for some reasons.
1) it feels weird. it's different when you type it all up. at the end of the day, the typed one is actually more time conserving. the audio posting takes a lot of time recording and re-recording it because you are bound to make some mistakes and all that.

2) Thanks to everyone who left comments but if I hear one more "Aww, you sound so cute", i think i'll have a breakdown. seriously. And i mean that in the cutest way possible. lol

3) With the audio posts, we kinda tend to stray from the topic at hand. And most times, i really don't hear what i said properly and all that.

So for those reasons, i will no longer be doing audio posts. Except on the new blog BSNC, Miss Flyhigh and I will be opening this week. Watch out for that.

ALL I OWE

Mehn! I am in such a cranky mood today. Maybe the fact that I am tired explains why. or maybe because I was late to work today, no scratch that. Been late to work the whole of this week explains why i'm tired and cranky. But no, maybe the fact that my upstairs neighbours will not let me sleep in peace explains why I am late, tired and cranky! For the past couple of days I have been hearing serious bed humping sounds. Complete with the moans and groans. If this happened for a couple of hours, it wouldn't be that bad. But this happens all through the night!!. On monday I left my room and slept on the couch. Tuesday, on the floor. Imagine that! If they start again today, I swear, i will use a mop stick or something to tap on my ceiling/their floor. Haba! A girl can only take so much. Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. (sorry, been doing a lot of that lately. lol)
Anyways, this week I have been tagged by the sexy SCRIBBLES and the beautiful BSNC for some meme's. since i have been procastinating on this, I have decided to close my eyes and do them now. *sigh*
Okay, here goes for Scribbles
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.*They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.*You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.* Dont google ur answers.*Make it as interesting and fun as you can.

1. What is your name: Bibi

2. A four Letter Word: Babe (hey scribs.lol)

3. A boy's Name: Babatunde

4. A girl's Name: Becky

5. An occupation: Booty shaker (work na work)

6. A color: Black (my favorite)

7. Something you'll wear: Belt?

9. A food: Banga soup

10. Something found in the bathroom: Bathrobe?

11. A place: Benin (holla)

12. A reason for being late: Bra (gotta stack em up! yeah right)

13. Something you'd shout: Bend down select! (no i wouldn't. really)

14. A movie title: Big momma's house

15. Something you drink: Barcleys (i guess)

16. A musical group: Backstreet boys (*sigh, moons, blinks rapidly*)

17. An animal: Bitch

18. A street name: Brown log

19. A type of car: BMW (for chizzle)

20. The title of a song: Back that thing up

*Pheeew* okay for BSNC,

8 Things I look forward to

1)Getting a new job in July. So bored with this one right now.*yawn*
2)Graduating.
3)Getting my car this August
4)Summer!
5)Getting done with this class i'm taking right now. i'm practically counting the days. seriously
6)Seeing a friend I haven't seen in about 3 months!
7)Eating BSNC's paycheck for the first time! make you ready o. because that day, cheesecake factory and your wallet go hear am!
8)Finally, my next paycheck of course. the job might stink but the money doesn't.

8 Things I did yesterday

1)Had a salad for lunch
2)Took my weave off. found out that chica cut my hair! good thing i have a lot of it. if not...
3)Flirted with dude
4)Designed a new storage pattern for my jewellries. have a whole bunch of them so i had to find them some storage place. bribe me and i will share. lol
5)Went to class *yawn*
6)Thought about going to the gym
7)Got paid. which is why i took the hair off in the first place. lol
8)Told a coworker off for trying to bully a new coworker.

8 Things I wish to do

1)Get my scripts produced. soon
2)Open a fast food joint in Naija. will do
3)Learn to sew.
4)Own an estate. A 10 house estate actually
5)Build the biggest mall in Lagos. lol
6)Sponsor an unfortunate child through school
7)Kiss Tyler Perry. *giggles*
8)Win the lottery so i can do all of the above. lol. well, with or without the lottery, most of those if not all will come through. *wink wink*

8 shows I watch

1)America's next top model. even though i ain't never gon be up there
2)Bill Bellamy's who's got jokes. they are hilarious!
3)For the love of Ray J (whenever i get the time). by the way, who won that show? anyone know?
4)All of us. but since Tia left, it has not been the same
5)Baldwin hills. Gotta love Justin
6)Harlem Heights.
7)Top chef. Delicious
8)Project runway. Beautiful

8 bloggers tagged
*sratching head*

1)Jhazmyn
2)Nigerian Fetish
3)Original Mgbeke
4)Nice Anon
5)Cappucine Baby
6)Cidersweet
7)Mizchif
8)Qube the wordsmith

Now i breathe feely. Enjoy...

THE EFFECTS OF ALCHOHOL(Naaaaasty)

I am so grossed out right now. I think I even threw up my lunch in my mouth. *shudders*. Well, I guess I have to explain what brought about my indigestion. Well, on my way from work, I stopped over at my cousin's place and she had a couple of friends around so we all got talking and the topic branched into alchohol. One of the girls said that she never drinks. I don't either but I asked her why. She seemed shy and hesitated initially but after a few "come on's" she agreed to tell us. Apparently her brother was hanging out with a couple of his cousins one day and all of a sudden he decided to go home. Deal was, he was wasted. Completely, totally, uselessly wasted. lol. His cousins asked him to wait so everyone could walk home together but he was adamant and left. As he was walking home in his drunken state, he came aross the 'mad woman' who used to sit by the church. Now, deal with this woman is she sits there without panties and has her legs spread wide open. So people passing by have no choice but to have a look at her folds and vajayjay. So, when this guys friends were done, they started walking back home and on their way, guess what they saw by the church. Their buddy was banging the hell out of the woman! Out. In. The. Streets. Where everyone was watching. Immediately they saw what they saw, the alchohol fled from their bloodstreams and they became sober. Quick quick. lol. They tried pulling their buddy away from her but she gripped him so hard and growled at them. So they had no choice but to leave them be. When they were done, they dragged their friend home and shaved him so he doesn't get lice and all that. They tried to cover his tracks but too many people saw what they saw and by the next morning, the news was all over the neighbourhood (you know how it is in 9ja). His newly wedded wife left him and he had to move away from town. A couple of months later, the woman was walking the streets heavily pregnant. Such a shame don't you agree?
This kinda reminded me of one that happened back in Uniben. When I used to live at the hostel, one of my roomates(Halima) went to a party with one of her friends. Her friend got so wasted that towards the end of the party, she emptied her stomach contents all over herself. Halima had to leave the party to get some clothes for her to wear back home. While she was gone, the rest of the girls at the party left too and the friend was left with about 5 guys in the house. When Halima got back to the house, she was about to get in when she heard some weird noise. She looked through the keyhole and lo and behold, her friend was getting gangbanged/gangraped (I can't classify it) According to Halima, her friend wasn't exactly protesting or participating. She was just giggling drunkenly. Halima didn't go in out of fear that they would attack her too cos they were also drunk (that I don't believe) Her friend left school that same week and we never heard from her again.

By the way, I got tagged by Spiceytee, Gee and Scribbles but I'll do it on my next post so pls bear with my procastinating self. lol

SAY WHAT?!!!

Hey y'all, what's good? Or not. lol. I'm typing this post from my phone and at the same time I'm watching 'making the band 4'. So if there's any typo it's Diddy's fault lol. I never used to pay much attention to the show but I accidentally saw it while I was at a friend's house. She's hooked on it. It's just ridiculous the amount of power Diddy has over their lives. They live in fear of him. And whatever he decides is law. Imagine that. Money talks I guess.
Anyways, this post is about some of my experiences with schooling here in the US of A. I have about three occurences to talk about so lets start from the very beginning.
Okay, so I began classes and I felt like a pea in a pond. I had just gotten to the country permanently for about 2 weeks and I was already taking classes. Lemme just say that its a very different ball game when you spend you summers or christmases abroad. It ain't nothing like when you actually live there. I thought I was going to have the time of my life because I usually did when I came over for hols. But living here, I didn't have no friends. No one. Imagine me, Bibi, having a cell phone that was never ringing. Since when? But not only did I know no one, I didn't know how anything was run over here. School especially. Being a uniben babe (All the uniben peeps, holla. lol) I still had this impresson that the professors decide if you pass or not. *shakes head* so I was getting to class 10 minutes early, submitting my papers a week early, never asking questions in class, never talking while the professor is talking and basically being a goody two shoes. i was always amazed at how the other students would diss the professor, have their earphones on in class, pick up their phones in class, interrupt while the professor's still speaking and so on. i would just look at them, shake my head and go, "oooh, they are so failing this class". lol. But to the main event, there was this particular girl who just got on my nerves. you know those notice me ITK (i know it all) types? that was what she was. she would come late to class and ask the professor if she could start over. WTF? Are you serious? Yes she was Nigerian. she would complete the professor's sentences, ask why the professor was giving us so much time to write a paper, basically act like a biotch. She did a whole bunch of BS but wetin concern me? i ignored her because i had issues of my own. It became personal for us all when one day, this professor gave us an assignment and when people started complaining about how much research it would require, she decided to help us out by giving us the names of some websites where we could go for help. As she wrote them down on the board, this ITK raised her hands. "Dr Brown, i don't think it is appropriate for you to be giving out names of those particular websites because they are personally ran and are not supposed to be used for researches of any kind" see me see wahala o! You should have heard the heap of insults everybody started throwing on this girl. Everybody was united in insulting her. Hispanics o, Japenese, Chineses, Americans and even some Pakistans. everybody just started insulting her. But which one be my own? before the woman even clean the list from the board, i don write am down sharp sharp. I forgot all about the whole thing and the semester came to an end. On the day we were supposed to turn in our final papers, ITK walked in without the usual ceremony and asked Dr Brown if she could have a word with her. Both of them stepped outside and suddenly we started hearing their voices. Quiet reigned in the classroom as everybody started listening to what they were saying.

ITK- I don't feel like i have learnt anything in this class. You didn't show up for lectures a lot of times, even when you did show up all you do is give out a list of websites. You weren't a good professor and half the things you teach do not stick. and just so you know, i am not the only one who feels that way. a lot of the students do. Everybody in the class actually. We have all talked about it and we feel the same way. so...

PROF- Ms ITK, this is the last day of class. If you had any issues with my lectures, you were free to drop the class. Well, there is nothing to do about it now...

Say what?!! I was pissed off like hell! see this girl want come put sand sand for my garri o! with my Naija mentality, I thought that if this woman got mad, she would fail us all. At this stage, they were out there arguing like crazy. Itk kept on repeating that she wasn't the only one who felt that way. That the whole class did. Everybody in the class were looking at each other going "what is she talking about?", "is she crazy?", "this girl don lost her damn mind". okay, i admit that Dr Brown was not the best prof. she was lazy as hell and even came to class with white powder all over her neck. For real. she was absent most of the time and she did give a bunch of websites as her lessons. (But when did 'we all' have that kind of discussion?) And as a girl who had schooled in the great Naija before, i could handle anything they threw at me and i handled her. it was nothing to me and i was getting my A. At least i thought so until this Itk come bring this rubbish come.
All of a sudden, Dr Brown stormed into the room and went "Ms Itk has brought to my attention that you all(motions with hand)think that I am a bad professor, that you have learnt nothing from this class and that you all are going to report me to the school administration". Yawa don gas. "I am going to give you all an opportunity to speak your minds so, let me hear it. Does any of you agree or are cohorts to this...complaint?" E be like say nor be only me dey fear F9 because everybody started shaking their heads no and looking at ITK with eyes to kill. "I'm waiting..." i look around and see that nobody is going to speak up so i decide to.

ME- Excuse me Dr Brown, i have something to say

DB- Then get on with it Ms Bibi.

Me- Actually i have something to say to Ms Itk.

DB- Hmm Hmmm

ME- Ms Itk do you know me? Do you know my name? have we ever had a conversation outside or even inside this classroom? so how can you say that 'we all' talked about it and said the same thing. i don't know where you got all these opinions that you say we all share from but please, i do not share those opinions. I personally thought the class was good and so was the professor but that is just my opinion. so please speak for yourself.

As i was speaking, people were shaking their heads and echoing "thats right, you tell her". Anyways, i left that class with an A and made an enemy i guess because since that day, whenever i see her, she gives me this cold look. I also heard that she got a C. Guess she wasn't an ITK after all huh? But who cares? I don't. lol. shoot! my fingers are numb. this is so hard. *sigh* i guess i'll continue on the next post.

By the way, i was supposed to leave you guys with my fave song for now. knocks you down by Keri Hilson, Kanye West and Neyo but i can't seem to figure out how to download songs from youtube. help? anyone?

I'M BACK

Hey my blog family! I have missed y'all! Long time no see o! For real! (okay i'm going to stop with the exclamation points now cos i'm sure you all get my point. lol) Anyways I want to use this venue to say thanks for your comments on my previous posts but there was one particular comment that had me going, Who? Me? Take a peak and see what I’m talking about.

awwww, cant wait for u to come bac,u r ma fave blogger of all time, i always relate to ur posts tho i neva leav any comments plus i so lurrvveee the nuggets of wisdom on ur blog as in the quotes….- posted by anonymous

Did y’all see that? Me? Fave blogger? Of all time? You relate to my posts? Really? Awwwww, anonymous, whoever you are thank you so much. I appreciate the luv.
So, this morning I was so determined to blog and I got the PC all set and clicked on create posts. My fingers went to the keyboard and I couldn’t type a word. My inspiration was gone. So I shoved the computer down and went to work. Now I’m back and I still don’t know what to talk to you guys about but I miss blogging so here goes,
My mini vac was great, thanks for asking lol. I sat by the river, I soaked my feet in salted water and I relaxed. Not to mention ate some gourmet food. Hehehe. And just so you can see what kind of mood I’m in right now, I brought some pictures of the view from my room.



Beautiful isn't it?
so, that's it for now i guess. okay, i know this doesn't qualify as a real post but still, it's something right?

I'LL MISS YOU

Hey y'all, whats good? you wondering what the topic is all about right? well, i am kinda going on a mini vacation today. it wasn't really a big deal cos i thought i would still be able to use a pc there but i just found out that they have no internet connection at the resort. Neither do they have tmobile service so i can't use my phone either. yeah, sad. i called them to find out and they were talking about how the environment of the resort is all about spending time with yourself away from all the distractions. the guy on the phone even told me "ma'am, i'm sure that if you wanted to sit in front of the computer, you would just stay home and wouldn't bother coming here" i was too depressed to come up with a snappy comeback for him. *sigh*. Anyways, i'll miss you guys. try not to post anything interesting this weekend. i'll be back easter day though, so i guess its not that bad. but before i go, let me share a lil snippets of my week so far

Aunty J called me on sunday and found out that i wasn't working monday and since she is a shopaholic, a heavily pregnant one at that, she asks me to accompany her to Nordstrom since they were having a crazy shoe sale. i agree and she picked me up. on our way going, she takes the beltway and as we were coming off, a police car notifies us to pull down. we did and the officer sits in his car, i guess looking her car info in his little computer thingy. as we sit in the car waiting for the officer to come up,

AUNT J- oh ooh. which kind thing be this now? make this yeye man nor give me ticket o! Bibi, if he give me ticket just play along

ME- play along with wetin?

AUNT J- with me now. i nor get money for that kind wahala so just do as i say. he dey come

the police officer comes up, he's white, tall, nice looking.

PO- ma'am, licence and registration please. you kno you were speeding right?

AUNT J- i was?

PO- yep, you were. that will cost you $80

AUNT J- Oh God! okay *sniffs*

PO- and your left traffic indicators off too. that will cost you $120

AUNT J- ye kpa mi! (i am dead)

she begins to cry hysterically. real tears!

PO- ma'am, are you okay?

AUNT J- no i'm not okay o! i am dead! sir, you have killed me

she's sobbing seriously now and i'm just patting her shoulders going "it's okay aunt j, it's okay"

AUNT J- sir, look at me. look at me very well.

Po- i'm looking ma'am

AUNT J- today will be my last day as a happy woman because my husband will finish me today. he'll beat me to death. and my baby...my baby. he warned me not to drive his car but i didn't listen. he'll just kill me today. how can i get $200? i don't work, i don't hacve any money anywhere, no where to borrow from. what will i do?

at this stage i'm amazed. aunt J is crying like a little girl. tears are running down her cheeks and all. she's sniffing, stuttering and if i didn't know what she was up to, i would believe her act

Po- take it easy ma'am, it'll be alright. so, you husband will beat you up because of the tickets is that it?

AUNT J- *nods*

PO- do you want to file a police report? we can have him arrested if you file a report...

AUNT J- and who will take care of me and my baby? no, if i didn't take his car, he wouldn't have to hurt me but now....

PO- okay ma'am, i'll let the tickets go. just...don't drive this car in this condition again okay?

AUNT J- *sniffing* okay, thank you so much. you just saved me and my baby. thank you.

I was flabbergasted i tell you! Aunt J recovered as soon as we hit the road. and she was so happy she saved 200 bucks. what an actress!

PS- Does anybody know the angel who God appointed to put dimples on babies in heaven? because i feel cheated. all my brothers. all 8 of them have dimples and me? none. not even a hint of one. i feel cheated. doesn't it annoy you when you see guys with the most beautiful, naturally curved eyebrow, and long lashes? i mean why do they have it. they do nothing with it. oh well, i compensate for my lack of dimples in so many other areas...hehehe. Happy holy thursday, good friday, something saturday and easter sunday. And HAPPY BUFFDAY IN ADVANCE BSNC

OH NO HE DIDN'T, AWWW HELL NO SHE DIDN'T

Hey y’all what’s up? Weird topic huh? I know you guys are expecting some drama right about now but I am a drama free girl. I can hear BSNC laughing right now. *sticks tongue out* wharever girl. Anyways, Oh no he didn’t is kinda about my weekend. Which was going just great until I got a call from asshole. Asshole is a boyfriend of a friend. No, scratch that. An ex-boyfriend of a friend. Since ex-boyfriend and I aren’t at all close, I was curious when my phone rang and it was him. The conversation kinda went like this

AH- Hey Bibi, whats up?

Bibi- Nothing much. Who’s this?

AH- So you don’t recognize my voice huh?

Bibi- If I did I wouldn’t be asking now would i?

AH- Bibi Bibi, its me AH

Bibi- AH? Oh hey, whats up?

AH- Nothing much. Are you at work?

Bibi- No

AH- You’re at home?

Bibi- Nope

AH- So where are you?

Bibi- You called to ask me where I’m at?

AH- No, not really

Bibi- So, what did you call for?

AH- Haba, can’t I just call to check on you?

Bibi- Did you?

AH- Somehow

Bibi- Look, I don’t have time to be playing twenty one questions right now so just say what you want to say and be done with it.

Did I mention that I don’t like Asshole? I don’t. I just don’t like his triffling ass. There was just always something sneaky about him. Anyways…

AH- Well, you know your girl and I broke up right?

Bibi- Oh you did?

AH- yeah

Bibi- That’s too bad. So you were saying?

AH- Yeah, since babe and I are no longer together and I know you don’t have a boyfriend, I was thinking that we could….you know hook up

What?!! are you seriously serious right now? Imagine the stupid nerve of the asshole! Well, I won't go into details (long story) but let’s just say that asshole will not be calling me again. Hehehe


So, a couple of months ago, a friend of mine started going out with this guy but she was always complaining about things like, I’m not physically attracted to him, he’s not tall enough for me and silly stuff like that. I told her to stop wasting his time if she wasn’t feeling him but you know how we girls like to have some kind of nice guys on reserve incase the bad boy dumps us. lol. Anyways, a couple of weeks into the relationship and the guy introduces her to his friends. She calls me up that night and she starts talking about how cute one of the guys Tee is. She goes on and on and on about how he was staring at her all through the night and how he was feeling her. Now let me mention that my friend is a Nigerian but she was born and brought up here so she kinda doesn’t know how things work with Naija boys. Let me also mention that these two guys are bestest of friends. They grew up in Nigeria together, went to secondary and uni together and are now living here. so, I told my girl to forget about it because from having 8 brothers I know that 99% of Nigerian guys will not let a girl come between a good friendship. Instead, the both of them will fool you along and play you in the end. *ouch* so, I explained this to mi girl and she seemed to understand it. She never mentioned Tee again and her relationship with Nice boy went on. couple of weeks later, she calls me again and convinces me to go on a double date. I went because of the promise of ice-cream. *purring* lol. Anyways I show up there and I fell in lust. Now, this guy ain’t just all that in looks he is ALL that and then some more in charisma. He holds your attention when he walks into a room and all that. So the night goes on and we found a lot in common. He takes my number and all the usual cat and mouse game. A couple of days later, I was talking to my friend and I tell her that I think Tee’s cool. You know what she says? “oh he already has a girl in Jersey and he said he wasn’t feeling you” oh really? He didn’t act like no hooked guy and he sure didn’t act like he wasn’t feeling me. Anyways, I sha forget about Tee (it was hard though!) and moved on. Another couple of weeks later, a mutual friend of ours had a bash and lo and behold, look who showed up. Tee. He walks up to me and goes “hey, remember me?” I said to myself, yeah right like I can forget. But I say “of course, hey Tee whats up?" We hug and surprisingly enough I caught babe staring at us. she wasn’t looking like your girl will look and tease you about it. She was looking like she didn’t like what was going on. I brushed it off and ended up spending the rest of the evening hanging with Tee. He bought me drinks, we danced and just had fun. Didn’t babe tell me that he wasn’t feeling me? He sure as hell ain't acting like it. So we’re about to leave when he asks if he could drop me off at home. I said yes and get in his car. Next thing I know, babe runs up to us(on high heels!)

Babe- where are you guys going?

Tee- nowhere, I’m taking Bibi home though

Babe-Bibi, why is Tee taking you home? Jen lives close to you, she can take you home

Bibi- Thanks but I’m gonna go with Tee

Babe- (laughs) why? You’re just giving him trouble. Your house is really far from his

Bibi- Tee, am I giving you trouble?

Tee- (laughs) Nope, tell Jen that I want to take Bibi home in a first class car.

We all laugh to cover up the awkwardness and we left. On our way home, Tee explains that he lost his phone and contacts the very next day he met me and couldn’t get my number again. I ask him why he didn’t get it from babe. He said that he tried but she refused to give bacause I had told her not to give my digits out. Hmmmm…. Again, i brush off that feeling. That night Tee asks me out and i said okay. the next day, babe calls me

Babe- so....what was up with you flirting with Tee all night?

Me- Nuthin much. you have it right though, we were just flirting

Babe- I told you he has a girlfriend already. i thought you don't do taken guys?

Me- To me he doesn't have a girlfriend because he said he doesn't have one

Babe- isn't that what all guys say? that they don't have a girlfriend?

Me- Babe, i'm taking him at his word. i'm not about to plant a girl on him when he says he doesn't have one now am i? anyways we're going out tomorrow

What i heard was not at all what i expected. Lai lai. My girl freaked.

Babe- what?! why will you go out with him? he's just trying to play you

Me- Babe, relax. i'm not exactly trying to marry him either so...

Babe- he isn't taking you seriously Bibi. he already has a girlfriend, he said that you were too big for him becaus you know he likes skinny girls right?

Me- (laugh)Babe, Tee is not the first and neither will he be the last guy who's taste change after meeting me. by the way, did he tell you all this stuff?

Babe- no but he told nice guy. he said that he's just being friendly towards you and that he doesn't want you to think he was interested. call him and cancel now because he doesn't like you. i'm telling you, call him and cancel.

The lady doth protesth too much don't ya think? and at this stage i'm thinking "awww hell no she didn't" i'm beginning to get upset right now but i decide to keep a cool head

ME- babe, we're just going on a date. a date not marriage and i think you're over reacting. you've been telling me all this load of stuff that clashes with what I've seen so far

BABE- so what are you trying to say? That I'm lying to you?

Me- I'm not "trying" to tell you anything babe, I'm telling you to back off.
That conversation pissed me off so much but shit happens right?

MY THREESOME NIGHTMARE

Hey y'all, what's good? So, I was going through Scribble's blog when I came across this post about his threesome (my crush's a freak. lol). Anyways, before I left Naija, I decided to have me some fun. Hehehe, I know your mind is in the gutter right now. Sorry to disappoint you but fun for me came in the form of my cousin Kay. She was a hustler. One of the higgest class. So when I decided to stay with Kay during my trip, my uncles freaked. "She'll ruin you" they said. "She's bad influence" they cried. But being my stubborn self, I refused to stay with any of them and moved in with Kay. And in those weeks I had the most fun that I have ever had till date.
Kay lived by her phone. If you ask her what she planned on doing that day in the morning, she would say "its just morning. Don't worry, my phone will ring soon." Her phone is her life line and really, the phone never dissapointed. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet. During those weeks, I met Tu baba, Dbanj (just for a minute), Sunny Neji, Paul Play, RMD (yum) and a whole bunch of other people. I did so many things that I never would have done before. Among these good experiences were a couple of....nasty ones. One of which l am about to share with y'all, my blogsville family. lol
One day, Kay and I were getting our hair and some fake tattoos done at the Ikeja bridge when her phone rang. From the conversation, I knew we weren't going home like we planned anymore.

KAY- Bibi, that was Idiot
(idiot being a "friend" of Kay's. He was supposed to give her some money for her rent and school fees)

KAY- He wants me to come and pick up the money now

ME- Okay, so I'll see you back at the house later

KAY- You don't wanna come with me?

ME- Is that okay? Cos I don't want to interrupt you and your bobo when you're showing your appreciation o!

KAY- Which kind appreciation? I beg e. Make we dey go.

And went we did. When we got to idiot's house, I felt something wasn't right. The house was really dark, and it stunk of egbo. I looked at my cousin.

ME- Kay, you dey smell that one so?

KAY- Nor worry. We go just collect the money dey go

Yeah right! the lower part of the house was empty so we climbed up. When we got to the living room, we started hearing some weird, sexual noises. You know, all the moans and grunts and groans. lol. Funny thing is, the sounds weren't coming from 2 or 3 or 4 people. I think there were like about 6 people in that room. They were scattered around in couples. 2 were on the couch, 2 were on the floor and the others were on another couch I think. This was at about 8pm and I guess they didn't see us or didn't bother about us.
At that time, idiot came out from an inner room.

IDIOT- Hey Kay! What's cranking girl?

At this point, let me say that Idiot lives in the US and he was home for xmas. So, he was constantly fonneing.

IDIOT- And you brought your bootilicious sister too. (Rubbing hands) I like that!

KAY- What's going on here?

IDIOT- Nothing much, just a lil group fun. Hahahahahaha

I realized that Idiot was high! Dude was just laughing like a hyena.

KAY- Hmmm...can I get the money now Idiot?

IDIOT- Sure, come on.

We follow him into this room and I realize its a bedroom. With beds and all. Idiot sits on the bed.

KAY- Come on Idiot, its getting late

IDIOT- Since when did that matter? Come over here and give me some love baby girl

KAY- In front of my sister?

Me- oh that's fine, I'll just step outside

Idiot practically jumps on the door and locks it

IDIOT- You ain't going nowhere sexy. I want you to see what your sister will do to get that money

ME- Oh don't worry about that. I have a very good imagination so I can imagine what she'll do. Don't need to see it.

IDIOT- You're not only going to see it, you'll be doing it too

SAY WHAT?!! You have got to be shitting me! Hell no! Oh God, we have got to get out of here! All these thoughts run through my mind.

KAY- stop playing Idiot.

IDIOT- I ain't playing bitch. U both get on the bed!

They both get into an argument and at this stage I'm thinking, okay, this isn't working and I need to get outta here.

KAY- Come on Bibi, we're leaving

IDIOT- No you ain't. You're gonna stay here and give me what I want. The gateman knows not to let anyone out. This will happen. Get on the bed!
Next thing I know, idiot grabs me and shoves his tongue down my throat. He was so excited and high at the same time and that kiss was one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. In plain words, it sucked. Yuck! Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up in my throat. Ewwwwww. Anyways, i decided to play it cool.

ME- Whats your rush? since it seems we're gonna be here for a while why don't we do it properly

IDIOT- What d'you mean?

ME- Nothing. let's just take our time with it okay?

Hoping to calm him down, i take off my shoes and then my top(thankfully, i had a tube camisole underneath). Immediately he saw my tattoo, he pounced on me. This isn't going like i planned. I look at my cousin and ask her with my eyes to do something. She also takes her top off(unluckily for her, she has nothing but her bra underneath) my cousin is a size 40smthg in bra sizes so the size of her without her shirt sends Idiot out of his head. He was just so pathetic.

ME- I'm just going to use the bathroom, i'll be right back

KAY- I need to use the bathroom too

At this stage we were smiling so hard i felt my face crack. He looked suspicious for a while until Kay touched him here and there and told him

KAY- You know you're the best i ever had and i will be back.

IDIOT- what about her?

ME- I'm not going anywhere yet, i want to see what you have for me

IDIOT- okay but be back in 5

KAY- we will.

we left our bags, our shoes and my top (at least Kay put her's back on) i just couldn't wait to get the heck up out of there. since Kay had been there before, she knew a road through the back fence and we climbed through and ran like the devil was on our heels (which he was if you ask me) luckily enough for us, i had some vex money in my jean pocket and we boarded a cap with bare feet. the cabbie didn't even look at us twice so i guess he's used to seeing stuff like that. when we got home, i climbed in the shower and stayed there for like 5 hours and brushed my teeth with almost a tube of toothpaste.
I was kinda worried that Idiot's pride would make him come after us later but Kay was "friends" with the commisioner of police then and he had some cops go warn him off and that was the last we heard from Idiot.

P.S- funny thing is Kay got that rent money the very next day from someone else. A whole lot more than Idiot was going to give her anyways. *sigh* fond memories, fond memories.

P.S.S- What is it with me and my molestation stories these days? i have no clue. maybe i'll share some more because trust me, there are a lot of them. the price we pay for being beautiful. lol

REVEREND FATHER

Hey y'all, what's good? First of, let me say that this post might be upseting to some people but I am a catholic. Baptised, holycommunioned and confirmed. So this ain't no hating business.
A couple of years ago when I got into UNIBEN, I lived in the school hostel *shakes head* You know how it is. Anyways, during my second year, my cousin Mimi and I got an apartment in Ekosodin. We had a couple of house rules that we both had to follow but the rules didn't even matter cos we both knew each others likes, dislikes and limits. Mimi was very active in church and she was friends with the reverend fathers. So I was kinda surprised when she came home with this guy one day. She introduced him as father Vincent and I was also kinda shocked because he didn't look like a reverend father to me. He was really young and cute and didn't have none of those collar thingy (I forget the name). So, we all get talking and like I said, he wasn't like no reverend I had ever met. When it started to get dark, I began to wonder when he was going to leave because Ekosodin is not a place where you want to be moving about at night. I looked over at my cousin.

ME- Mimi, can I talk to you for a sec?

MIMI- Sure. Excuse us father Vincent

We walk over to the bathroom.

ME- Mimi, time don dey go o. When father Vincent dey go?

MIMI- (looking sheepish) Err....I didn't tell you before but ehm....I told father Vincent that he could ehm spend the night here.

ME- Because of wetin? Why will he stay here? What happened to the parish house?

MIMI- well, since he came here on personal business, he can't stay in the parish house and he doesn't have anyone here.

ME- So? Okay, even if he was going to spend the night why didn't you tell me so I could go over to Ruthie's place...

MIMI- And leave me here alone with him? No o! I just thought that at least with both of us in the house, nobody will say anything

ME- And you didn't tell me about it at all? I don't like this o Mimi. I don't like it.

MIMI- I beg na, I nor go do am again.

So we went back into the room and gisted until we all fell asleep. I don't know how long I had slept for before I began to feel it.
"It" being someone's fingers. Inside of me. I tell you, I thought I was dreaming. Until I started hearing all these grunts. I don't know about you but my dream men, do not grunt. lol. So I woke up but laid still. Then I began to understand what the heck was going on. Father Vincent was.....you knowing me! I screamed at him.

ME- What are you doing?

FV- Nothing....just....I saw a...an ant going into your dress so I....

ME- You saw an ant going into my dress, so what were your fingers doing in....there?

FV- I didn't mean to touch you.....it just called out to me. All i wanted to do was help

At this time, I looked down at FV's pants and it was bulging like crazy! I look at my cousin and she was sleeping so deep that you would burn the house up and she would sleep through it. I look at the time and it was 2am! I looked back at FV

ME- (sigh) Just...stay away from me. I'll pretend this never happened. just stay away from me. I'm gonna go back to bed now...

FV- I'm sorry, i didn't mean......

ME- Wharever

WTF? So i went back to bed. I didn't really sleep deep, just in case. and really a couple of minutes later when I guess i started breathing deeply like I was asleep, guess what? I felt the reverend's hands sliding up my waist. Initially, he was hesistant but when I didn't move, he grew bolder. I waited until I could actually catch him in the act. But this time, he actually had the guts to hold my boobs! I turned around and slapped him so hard, he actually jumped off the bed.

ME- Are you crazy? craze dey worry you for head? or did you see another ant?

FV- No, I....

ME- Shut up! You pervert!Oh my God!

FV- sssshhh. please lower your voice

ME- Which kind lower my voice? i should even be throwing you out of my house right now. How dare you call yourself a man of God and try to molest me!

At this stage, i was screaming so loudly, my cuz woke up

MIMI- What's going on?

ME- Ask your reverend! Imagine him putting his hands on me

MIMI- Heh? You say wetin? He touch you?

Trust me, but my cuz angry, is not a sight you want to behold. it was just as though all the sleep left her eyes and she got up and held him by his shirt.

MIMI- HOW DARE YOU! I brought you into my house and you have the guts to lay your hands on my sister?

FV- No....no...it's not what you think....i can expla....it was the devil! the devil was....

MIMI- Shut your ass up you dolt. which devil? By the way, what exactly did he do?

At this stage, i was feeling sorry for the pervert cos my sister was about to scratch his eyes out.

ME- Errr...when i woke up he was touching my boobs.....

MIMI- HE WAS TOUCHING YOUR WHAT?!!!

Next thing i knew she was hitting him like a mad woman o! I even had to protect the guy from her. After a little while, she went into the kitchen.

ME- Mimi, what are you doing? don't even think about it.

As i turned to warn the asshole, what i saw was his car lights as he left. That made me laugh like a mad woman o! when my sister came back, she had a knife with her.

MIMI- Why u dey laugh? you think this is funny heh? where is that dog?

ME- the dog don run. i beg give me knife jare. wetin you for even use am do anyway?

MIMI- He get luck say he run. Idioooooooot. na only your breast he touch abi?

ME- Errr....yes. i wake up quick

MIMI- Good. he get luck o! If say he touch anywhere else, i for go report am for church. abi you want make i still report am?

ME- no, just let am go.

That was the last we heard of father Vincent. That guy was a lucky ass dude cos my sister is spitting wafarian crazy. This cracks me up every time.

MUMMY/LESBIAN LOVERZ

Okay I know the topic sounds weird but get your mind outta the gutter. They're two very different things. But first things first, I got an honesty award from the one and only, ANYAPOSH so I have to do mine and tag seven people.(this is different from the honesty meme thingy so you guys better not be telling me you did it already) but I am open to negotiation. If you do not want to be tagged, you better be sending me some dolce-vita shoes and steve madden glasses. Only then and then alone will I refrain from tagging you. Now that I think about it, I just might tag thirty people. So do not think I'm playing. Hehehe
So, a guyfriend calls me yesterday and we got talking. He asked me to tell him somethings that turn me off once I start going out with a guy. I gave him a couple of things and then I told him. "if I heard him talking on the phone and going 'hi mummy', I would be turned off". guyfriend saw nothing wrong with that. Not that I'm saying there's something wrong with it. i love a guy who loves his mother and treats her like a queen that she is but maybe I'm just being paranoid or something. Let me know though.
Okay I have had it. Is it something I say? Something I do? How I dress? How I smile or some other thing? I don't know but I know I have had it. I'm talking about girls asking me out. Usually, I don't mind. I actually feel flattered that a girl is attracted to me but recently, it's become kinda annoying. There's this co-worker who's been bugging the crap outta me. She does not take no for an answer. She's been dropping hints that she likes me and I've been dropping hints that I'm not available at least not to a girl. This morning she saw me and started talking about how my eyeshadow makes my eyes look sexier than usual. I normally would be flattered but I was kinda irritated like what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?
I guess I was irritated because at the house party on saturday, this girl was also hitting on me! Now I'm not upset they're hitting on me. No, but it has me thinking. Is it something I wear or do or say? And maybe I'm just freaking out because this has never happened in such succession before. So, am I being paranoid? On both account.

BY THE WAY............

A lil P.S on my previous post.
*Did I mention that chic smokes weed?
Now all voting rules apply (guys answer as guys, ladies imagine you're a guy)
Would you date a girl who smokes weed? Now, would you marry a girl who smokes weed?

WIFE? OR GIRLFRIEND?

I was supposed to be posting about a house party I was at today. I still am, sort of. But this post isn't what I had in mind when I decided to blog. Anyhow sha, this one is a question I'm throwing to you guys, so I need answers. The story is, I was at this house party like I said and there were a lot of young ladies. But I knew only one of these girls and since she was busy getting drunk, and none of the dudes caught my attention, I decided to sit back and watch the body language of some of the girls.(I can freakingly read body language. I can tell you how people really feel about each other by watching them) Anyways, enough about my talents. lol. So, as I was observing, this chic came in. She was a beautiful girl. She had really long dreadlocks, a couple of tattoos on her boobs and the dark lips of a smoker. As soon as she walked in, she bacame the life of the party. Everyone was calling her, talking to her and talking about her. The funny thing is that at this party, there were both married couples and singles. So I asked my friend "is she married?" "naaaw, but she's searching". I kept on looking around and the non-verbal communication between chic and one sexy dude (who happened to be married) caught my eye. There was a certain kind of akwardness between the both of them. I asked my friend "see that dude over there? Who's his wife?" she points her out to me. She's also pretty but not as much as chic. I was curious so I asked my friend for some background info on them. From what she told me, chic used to go out with dude but he ended up marrying this other girl. After a while, chic and I were introduced and a couple of us got into a conversation and someone asked chic when she was going to get married.

CHIC- These things have a pattern. First of, find the man, get the ring, then comes the marriage. Now, I have the men but no ring yet and so no wedding for now.

When she said that, I looked her up and down and I have to say that any man would be proud to introduce her as his girlfriend but wife? I don't know. Why don't y'all decide?

Guys, pls answer this as guys and ladies, pls pretend to be guys for a minute.

Would you date a girl who has dreadlocks down to her back? Now, would you marry a girl who has dreadlocks down to her back?

Would you date a girl who has tattoes on her boobs? Now, would you marry a girl who has tattoes on her boobs?

Would you date a girl who smokes like a chimney? Now, would you marry a girl who smokes like a chimney?

Would you date a girl who hates anything to do with the kitchen including cleaning and cooking? Now would you marry a girl who hates anything to do with the kitchen including cleaning and cooking?

Would you date a girl who has had sex with almost all of your friends? Now, would you marry a girl who has had sex with almost all of your friends?

Would you date a girl who everyone knows as a club girl? Now, would you marry a girl who everyone knows as a club girl?

I could go on and on but I'm sure you get my point and since I'm using my phone, my fingers ache so, I'll stop here. I want answers people!!! lol
xoxo

PROFESSIONAL MASSEUSE....HARLOT

I went to the gym with wanna-be-lover a couple of hours ago and surprisingly I had fun. I thought that he would find all opportunities to touch me in the guise of "helping me out" but he didn't. At all. When we were done, he asked me if I wanted to come see his place and I said okay. (WBL moved into his condo a couple of days ago)It's a cute place. We just sit and talk for a while then he starts complaining about his shoulders. He's been doing this for the past couple of days whenever we talk. I tell him, "maybe you need a massage". Ooops...big mistake. He looks at me with those sexy eyes of his (I'm a sucker for sexy eyes)"yeah...i need a massage bad". Now how can I ignore that? "Err...do you have some lotion?" He goes to his room and comes out with some baby oil (how cute is that?)"ooookay...do you have somewhere to lie on? a flat surface?" He smiles like a lost puppy "only the bed". "ooooookaaaaay". We walk on to his room and I swear i can hear the bed saying to me "come any closer and you shall be burnt" But I always finish what I start. He offs his shirt (swallow) "i've never done this before so i don't know if it'll help" "i'll take whatever I can get right now babe". Its a queen sized bed and WBL lays oh so comfortably right smack in the middle of it! I say to myself "oh no you don't! I am not climbing into that bed". So I decide to brace it and give my massage standing by the bed. As I pour some oil on my hands, he looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I also raise an eyebrow "what?". He chuckles and lays his head down. I start my massage. I didn't expect it to be so easy but a couple of rubs here, a couple of caresses there and I have him moaning. He is so into it that I decide to climb on him. At this stage, he's going "right there.....oh yeah......that feels good......hmmm......" and my confidence is hitting the hoof as I'm experimenting with my hands and fingers. I even use my elbows. lol. There's just something about having WBL go "ooooh Bibi that feeels soooo goood" and I know I haveta get out of there or else...
Anyways the only purpose of posting this occurence is so I can be able to say/write that "I give a mean massage". Although I'm not sure it accomplished its purpose though (relaxation). He was definately not relaxed. Hehehe.

About the harlot part, I saw a movie where this guy said "Every woman is a harlot. Just depends on who's harlot you are". Hehehe. True? Or false.

HONEST SCRAP & UPDATE ON NENE

oooookay. So, i was tagged by scribbles (who i'm crushing on by the way) and i guess now i have to reveal 11 things about me? i hope i have that right. Anyways let's get to it shall we?

1. I am an only child but i grew up in a house of 16 where i was the youngest. so, it was survival of the fittest. That's where i got my badass from.

2. I get easily bored with guys. You need to keep me guessing. And so far....

3. Guys go gaga over my voice. I even had one guy offer to be my wake up call in the mornings so he could hear my voice fresh from sleep. Go figure

4. I never get mad. Upset maybe but not mad-angry. Serioulsy. Even my mother has never seen me angry. I just shrug it off or plan my revenge. Too much energy wasted on anger

5. oh, i just got my very first pair of Sam Elderman shoes. I felt it deep in my pocket but...when a girl falls in love, a girl falls in love. lol

6. I am multi-talented i guess. i design jewellries, clothes, write movie scripts, you name it, i do it. even paint. walls though. just found that out yesterday.lol

7. I really know my way around a kitchen. Nigerian, American, Kenyan and a lil chinese. I'm not even kidding.

8. I've never been in "looooove". Whenever my friends talk about that "i am on cloud nine" feeling, i go, "okay. but i'll be here to catch you when you fall back down to earth"

9. I loooove books. I own a mini library at home. i even once read three books in a day. Jeffery Archer books. And I retold the stories from beginning to end. Beat that.

10. I never had an issue with my body like some girls do. I always knew how to make my body healthy and look good

11. Finally, I want Scribbles. lol

I hereby tag The Nigerian Fetish, The Poet's voice, Au Nptural, Just DB, Enkay, Doll, oh and the guy responsible for all this, Scribbles. Have fun.

As per Nene, I took her out today and we spent all day hitting the malls. We had fun and I hope my talk had an impact. I think it did though cos by the time i took her home, she was looking and feeling much better. Even her mother noticed it. Anyways, she promised to call me whenever she felt down or felt like talking. I would have loooved to post our conversation but this therapist and role model thank you very much, practices confidentiality. lol
xoxo

SUICIDAL?

My phone rang this morning and it was a friend of my mother's, Aunty J. I was kinda surprised because she had never called to speak with me specifically. I knew then that something was not right.

Me- Hello

Aunty J- Hello? Bibi, it's Aunty J.

Me- Oh, hi Aunty J. Do you want to speak to ma?

A.J- Actually...no. I wanted to talk to you

Me- Okay, but is everything okay?

A.J- Err...not really. Nene tried to kill herself

Say what?!! Nene. Tried to kill herself. Ok, backtrack. Nene. Aunt J's little girl. About yea high, almost 14 years old, cute little girl who follows me around whenever she sees me. Loves putting on my jewellries and make-up whenever she's over at the house. Nene. Tried to kill herself.

Me- Oh my God. Is she alright?

A.J- (sounds exhausted) Yes she is. At least for now she is.

Me- Oh my God. What did she do? What happened?

A.J- She said that she was in the caffeteria in school eating when this girl took her food away from her and told her that she didn't need anymore food because she was already too fat.

Me- Are you serious?

A.J- Yes o. She took her food away from her and my Nene came back home and drank the whole bottle of bleach in the bathroom.

Me- Oh my God.

A.J- See me my dear o. I have been running from hospital to hospital for the past week.

You have got to be kidding me! Too fat?!! The poor girl can't even be described as plump! you know that stage we girls go through were we start growing breasts and our tummy's are still "poking out"? thats the stage she's at right now. So what the hell does this little bitch mean by "too fat"?

Me- Oh my God, Aunt J i'm so sorry.

A.J- Thank God abi? That she's still alive. See me o Bibi. The only child God has given to me. And now she wants to die? God forbid. Anyways, i wanted to ask a favor from you

Me- Anything ma

A.J- Well, you see i was wondering if you could spend some time with Nene and talk to her. Maybe a day or so. She's already in therapy but i just feel that she needs somewhat of a role model and since she knows you very well and although you're not a skinny girl, you're doing very well for yourself. i just thought that she might need someone like you to...you know, show her how to feel beautiful in her own skin. you know...

Me- Of course Aunt J. No problem.

A.J- Okay.

OH MY GOD. This is just too freaky for me to handle. I just still can't grasp the idea that Nene was trying to kill herself. But what else was she drinking a bottle of bleach for? Not skin bleaching obviously. She always keeps to herself but i never thought she was depressed. i just thought that maybe she was shy or something. But she's such a sweet girl. Always complimenting my hair, clothes and all that. And so pretty too. It's such a shame. Well, i hope i can help her really. Maybe get her to see that having some flesh on your bones is not that bad. Just as long as you're healthy.

For some comic relief
This whole thing had me thinking back to those days when I was growing up. Our house was not your typical family. My grandmother never liked her house to be empty so she somehow had all her children leave their kids with her. It started out with just school vacations when we came to spend the hols with her. Before you knew it, we were all living there. A total of 16 of us. Amongst us was a cousin of mine Becky. Her situation was different because her parents just got seperated because of her mother's unfaithfulness. And this really scarred her because she apparently begged her mother not to go but the woman don already get anoda bobo for outside so she just walked out on her husband and kid. Anyways, when Becky's dad brought her over to live, she was about 17 years old and very depressed.But we never knew just how depressed she really was. Until one day when we were all in the living room. Miracle ran in

Mir- Mama! Mama! Becky wan kill himself o!

Mama- Wetin u dey talk?

Mir- Becky wan kill himself for kitchen! she don carry knife O!

Mama- Heh heh? she won die heh? Okay

We all run to the kitchen to see Becky standing by the door holding a knife to her stomach crying.

Becky- Leave me alone! i want to die!

Mama- You want to die. See your mouth you selfish girl. I blame you? Baaastard. (imitating Becy) I want to die! I want to die! who dey hold you? But i beg, before you kill yourself commot for my kitchen. I just change this carpet last week. i never even pay for am finish before you want pour all your blood put on top so. see person when wan even kill himself. (hiss) you nor know say knife dey pain abi? make you go climb upstairs near the water pump make you jump. that one na one go. you go just die like that (snaps fingers). Bibi! make you and Tracy pack una things from that downstairs room enter Becky room.

Becky- But...but

Mama- But wetin? You think say you dey punish anybody? If you die, i go cry small but life dey go on abi? i go just kukuma go carry that boy when dey stay Mary house come here since we go get that extra room now. Oya Ehi, open the backyard door make she take go climb go upstairs. Becky okay now bye bye.

Mama goes back to the living room and sits there shaking her left leg like she does when she's angry.

Mama- Ehi! you don open the door for am?

Ehi- Yes mama

Mama- so wetin una still dey do for there? heh? Una want make he transfer he suicide spirit enter una? (hiss) you better come here now before i go throw you downstairs too.(hiss) Baaaaaastard.

We all left Becky in the kitchen that evening and let's just say that was the first and very last day she mentioned killing herself. Now, she's planning to get married in a couple of months.lol. Yep. i know, my grandma is crazy. But we love her that way.
xoxo

MARRYING THE AMERICAN DREAM?

Hey y’all, what’s good? Or not. Lemme start by saying, I’m not feeling too good but I’m still going to post this. So if you see any typos, it is the sick babe’s fault not the blogger. lol. Oh and Scribbles, you’re off your punishment now. lol. First of all, I want to say thanks to you all who gave some kind of feedback in my previous posts. Preciate your coming through. So, lets get down to business shall we?
My mother is known as “the matchmaker”. Seriously. Not professionally but she is a born professional at it. All of her friends, members of our church, and even some of my friends refer to her as ‘the matchmaker”. And I’ll say now that she has definitely earned that title. You won’t believe how many wedding ceremonies I have attended where my ma has been sponsor, guest of honor and all that. Now that you get my drift, let me get to my main point. A couple of months ago, Aunty Mimi came over to visit. They got talking and after a while, she got to her main reason for coming.

Mrs Mimi- Mama Bibi, you remember my sister Chi in Nigeria?

Ma- Hmm hmm. Is everything okay with her?

Mrs Mimi- yes o, you know she just graduated from Anambra state but…we still never see husband o!

Ma- Heh heh? How many years Chi be now?

Mrs Mimi- Na 28 o! 28! And no husband yet

Ma- She nor get serious boyfriend?

Mrs Mimi- Serious boyfriend ke? I don tell am tire o! but the one when she get na him classmate from school. All of them just graduate. Tell me mama Bibi, before that one go come find job, come buy house, come ready to marry, she never old finish?

Ma- That na if he go still even marry her again

Mrs Mimi- oh oh! Na so I tell am, tell am, tell am. Nor waste your time with all these small boys but e listen? No! See am now. You see am?

Ma- Na so o! all these children when nor dey listen. (hiss) so, na wetin she dey talk now?

Mrs Mimi- Na wetin she wan talk? She know say she nor get time again. She is not getting any younger. She know. I don tell am say we go look for husband for am for here. Na I say…make I come meet you . so you go help us find person.

Ma- Hmm hmm. What about the boyfriend now?

Mrs Mimi- (hiss) which kind boyfriend? She don dump am o! I beg make we talk better thing jare

Ma- okay now. But I nor know person when dey look for wife now but I go look for person.

They talk for a while longer about her “qualities” and the husband-to-be characteristics. And ma told her that she would need a couple of Chi’s pics (see, I told ya. Professional matchmaker. lol) anyway, Mrs Mimi came prepared o! she offered a whole album of Chi’s pictures but Ma only took a few and Mrs Mimi left. Nothing happened for a couple of weeks after that and then, we had this 60th bday party Ma organized. It was a really huge affair and the lady having the party had a really extended family and there were a lot of really cute sons and nephews around. Even a couple of really handsome uncles. lol. I have to say right now that while I’m out with my mum and checking a guy out, so is my mum. I check ‘em out for me, ma checks ‘em out for her “clients”. So, as we were carrying this huge cooler from the trunk, we saw Tee. He wasn’t bad looking at all and a girl would have no complains with his physicality. Before I knew it, Ma calls out

Ma- Excuse me? Young man?

Tee- Yes?

Ma- Could you please help us carry this in?

Tee- Of course ma’am.

He picks it up without a sweat and we follow him in. during the party, I had to leave with a friend and I didn’t see my ma until the day after. And boy did she have gist for me.
As the party progressed, Ma found out that Tee was actually a nephew of the celebrant and since she needed a ride home, she asked him for it. During the drive, she “casually” asked him THE question

Ma- So, are you married?

Tee- (laughs) No ma’am

Ma- Why not? Is it out of lack of interest?

Tee- No, I am interested in marriage but the right woman just hasn’t come along yet

Ma- so, what qualities are you looking for in a wife?

Tee runs through a list and all that and ma of course told me that she had the perfect fit. She showed him her pictures, and gave him her number and viola! They start long distancing. Play by play o, after just about 3 weeks of ‘dating” over the phone, I heard Tee was going to naija to meet Chi. He stayed for about 2 weeks and came back. Play by play, he started making wedding plans. Yes o! just like that. He filed for her and they got married in Naija about a month ago. Last week, I came home to meet Ma bursting with pride

Ma- Bibi, see o! them don give Chi visa to come here

Me- who give Chi visa?

Ma- Which kind question be that? Na who dey give visa? (hiss)

Me- okay, sorry. Na which day them give her?

Ma- Na today o! she just call me now now.

Me- that’s nice. So when she go come now?

Ma- Tee say na before easter o! he nor fit wait to bring him wife

Me- hmm hmm

Ma- Wetin be hmm hmm?

Me- Nuthin. At least chi don happy abi?

Ma- why are you so cynical?

Me- I’m not cynical ma, I’m just kinda surprised that they got married without really knowing each other. I mean, it’s risky enough marrying person when you don know for years talk less of marrying person when you nor know at all

Ma- Who tell you say them nor know each other?

Me- which kind know each other? I beg that one na story

Ma- Ehn. Leave am for them. Which one be your own self?

Me- Abi o. Na their own be that.

Okay my own is, yes I am kind of cynical about the whole thing. I mean, come on. how do you talk to a guy/girl for a couple of weeks, see him/her in person for a couple of days and BAM! Marry him/her. Unless it has something to do with marrying the American dream. You guys have got to agree with me that the first couple of weeks in a relationship is kinda like the “pretend stage”. Where you act your best in hopes of attracting this other person. I wonder what a potential bride/hubby does when a potential mate is coming in search for a spouse. Does she trade in her weave for some “natural” roll and set? Does she take off her “fake acrylic nails” ( Roc, Fashingaa, tell ‘em.lol). Does she go through her closet for all those hand-me-downs her ma gave her years ago but were never worn? You get my drift right? What I’m trying to convey is that the possibility that she wasn’t for real, that he wasn’t for real is like, up there.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just being “cynical” or maybe I just don’t understand what “looooove” is but I should think that before you marry someone, you would want to find out certain thing about him/her. Certain things like, how he reacts when he’s angry. How she reacts when she’s jealous. How he feels about your family. How she spends money and so on and so forth. Correct me if I’m wrong but these kind of things cannot be discovered by “dating” someone for a couple of weeks can they? And I understand that they probably were so attracted to each other that they just had to get married but I have also discovered (not from my experience though. lol) that attraction and love alone cannot keep a marriage. Things like respect, understanding, trust, belief, and a conscience are what really keeps a marriage. Of course with love mixed into it. But are these things you can find in someone after only a couple of weeks of long distancing? I don’t think so but please, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
xoxo