April 3, 2009

MY THREESOME NIGHTMARE

Hey y'all, what's good? So, I was going through Scribble's blog when I came across this post about his threesome (my crush's a freak. lol). Anyways, before I left Naija, I decided to have me some fun. Hehehe, I know your mind is in the gutter right now. Sorry to disappoint you but fun for me came in the form of my cousin Kay. She was a hustler. One of the higgest class. So when I decided to stay with Kay during my trip, my uncles freaked. "She'll ruin you" they said. "She's bad influence" they cried. But being my stubborn self, I refused to stay with any of them and moved in with Kay. And in those weeks I had the most fun that I have ever had till date.
Kay lived by her phone. If you ask her what she planned on doing that day in the morning, she would say "its just morning. Don't worry, my phone will ring soon." Her phone is her life line and really, the phone never dissapointed. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet. During those weeks, I met Tu baba, Dbanj (just for a minute), Sunny Neji, Paul Play, RMD (yum) and a whole bunch of other people. I did so many things that I never would have done before. Among these good experiences were a couple of....nasty ones. One of which l am about to share with y'all, my blogsville family. lol
One day, Kay and I were getting our hair and some fake tattoos done at the Ikeja bridge when her phone rang. From the conversation, I knew we weren't going home like we planned anymore.

KAY- Bibi, that was Idiot
(idiot being a "friend" of Kay's. He was supposed to give her some money for her rent and school fees)

KAY- He wants me to come and pick up the money now

ME- Okay, so I'll see you back at the house later

KAY- You don't wanna come with me?

ME- Is that okay? Cos I don't want to interrupt you and your bobo when you're showing your appreciation o!

KAY- Which kind appreciation? I beg e. Make we dey go.

And went we did. When we got to idiot's house, I felt something wasn't right. The house was really dark, and it stunk of egbo. I looked at my cousin.

ME- Kay, you dey smell that one so?

KAY- Nor worry. We go just collect the money dey go

Yeah right! the lower part of the house was empty so we climbed up. When we got to the living room, we started hearing some weird, sexual noises. You know, all the moans and grunts and groans. lol. Funny thing is, the sounds weren't coming from 2 or 3 or 4 people. I think there were like about 6 people in that room. They were scattered around in couples. 2 were on the couch, 2 were on the floor and the others were on another couch I think. This was at about 8pm and I guess they didn't see us or didn't bother about us.
At that time, idiot came out from an inner room.

IDIOT- Hey Kay! What's cranking girl?

At this point, let me say that Idiot lives in the US and he was home for xmas. So, he was constantly fonneing.

IDIOT- And you brought your bootilicious sister too. (Rubbing hands) I like that!

KAY- What's going on here?

IDIOT- Nothing much, just a lil group fun. Hahahahahaha

I realized that Idiot was high! Dude was just laughing like a hyena.

KAY- Hmmm...can I get the money now Idiot?

IDIOT- Sure, come on.

We follow him into this room and I realize its a bedroom. With beds and all. Idiot sits on the bed.

KAY- Come on Idiot, its getting late

IDIOT- Since when did that matter? Come over here and give me some love baby girl

KAY- In front of my sister?

Me- oh that's fine, I'll just step outside

Idiot practically jumps on the door and locks it

IDIOT- You ain't going nowhere sexy. I want you to see what your sister will do to get that money

ME- Oh don't worry about that. I have a very good imagination so I can imagine what she'll do. Don't need to see it.

IDIOT- You're not only going to see it, you'll be doing it too

SAY WHAT?!! You have got to be shitting me! Hell no! Oh God, we have got to get out of here! All these thoughts run through my mind.

KAY- stop playing Idiot.

IDIOT- I ain't playing bitch. U both get on the bed!

They both get into an argument and at this stage I'm thinking, okay, this isn't working and I need to get outta here.

KAY- Come on Bibi, we're leaving

IDIOT- No you ain't. You're gonna stay here and give me what I want. The gateman knows not to let anyone out. This will happen. Get on the bed!
Next thing I know, idiot grabs me and shoves his tongue down my throat. He was so excited and high at the same time and that kiss was one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. In plain words, it sucked. Yuck! Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up in my throat. Ewwwwww. Anyways, i decided to play it cool.

ME- Whats your rush? since it seems we're gonna be here for a while why don't we do it properly

IDIOT- What d'you mean?

ME- Nothing. let's just take our time with it okay?

Hoping to calm him down, i take off my shoes and then my top(thankfully, i had a tube camisole underneath). Immediately he saw my tattoo, he pounced on me. This isn't going like i planned. I look at my cousin and ask her with my eyes to do something. She also takes her top off(unluckily for her, she has nothing but her bra underneath) my cousin is a size 40smthg in bra sizes so the size of her without her shirt sends Idiot out of his head. He was just so pathetic.

ME- I'm just going to use the bathroom, i'll be right back

KAY- I need to use the bathroom too

At this stage we were smiling so hard i felt my face crack. He looked suspicious for a while until Kay touched him here and there and told him

KAY- You know you're the best i ever had and i will be back.

IDIOT- what about her?

ME- I'm not going anywhere yet, i want to see what you have for me

IDIOT- okay but be back in 5

KAY- we will.

we left our bags, our shoes and my top (at least Kay put her's back on) i just couldn't wait to get the heck up out of there. since Kay had been there before, she knew a road through the back fence and we climbed through and ran like the devil was on our heels (which he was if you ask me) luckily enough for us, i had some vex money in my jean pocket and we boarded a cap with bare feet. the cabbie didn't even look at us twice so i guess he's used to seeing stuff like that. when we got home, i climbed in the shower and stayed there for like 5 hours and brushed my teeth with almost a tube of toothpaste.
I was kinda worried that Idiot's pride would make him come after us later but Kay was "friends" with the commisioner of police then and he had some cops go warn him off and that was the last we heard from Idiot.

P.S- funny thing is Kay got that rent money the very next day from someone else. A whole lot more than Idiot was going to give her anyways. *sigh* fond memories, fond memories.

P.S.S- What is it with me and my molestation stories these days? i have no clue. maybe i'll share some more because trust me, there are a lot of them. the price we pay for being beautiful. lol

46 comments:

Funms-the rebirth said...

wow..........
ok, wait 6 people in a dodgy house smellin like marijauna and u still went upstairs?
good u and ur cuz made a smart move cuz he could have raped..... ur vry adventurous i tell u!

Gee said...

ill manage second!
Bibi thanx for the encouragement o..Yáll r wonderful!

Buttercup said...

3rd! i just got notified of ur comment at mine now..weird, huh?

Buttercup said...

heeeeeeeeeewoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Naija Girl said...

I'm with Funms o. I'm such a chicken I would have ran out of the house the moment I saw those three couples doing their thing.

Smart thinking on your part once you realized you were in the position. I think you played it well...not the way I would have but I don't think my reaction (screaming and arguing with him) would have gotten me out of there without much hassle.

Repressed One said...

At first reading 'idiot' as his name cracked me up...then i realized why he is called that. How disgusting. oloshi omo.

Omo una try oh. Una jump window commot house abi wetin?

Good thing uall got out of there. I'm trying not to imagine what could have happened with all those men in the house *shudders*

Miss FlyHigh - LondonsNaijaQueen said...

Wow you this babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we neeed to talk ooo , ur a very willd lady lol ...n very smart too ...me i wld of just cried n they wld of raped me like a mumu ..no lie thts why i avoid all situations men ...

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

And, the moral of the story is, when you walk into an igboh filled house when an orgy is going on, turn around and clear out, fast.

lol!

RocNaija said...

Just marking my spot..
In the famed words of Terminator..

"I'll be back!!"

Tairebabs said...

na wa o. I know things happen in naija but 6 people.. this one don pass manajatua...thank God u girls got out o. But after seeing the first "couples" I wont have waited o..

Bibi said...

FUNMS THE REBIRTH- Adventurous heh? I never thought of it that way.

GEE- Shoo, you're very welcome.

BUTTERCUP- Na so we see am o. lol

GOODNAIJA GIRL- Scream ke? With all the high dudes outside? I beg o! That one go turn into gang bang. lol

REPRESSED ONE- we made a choice btw the fence and the high idiot. I'm afraid the fence won out in the end

FLY HIGH LONDON'S NAIJA QUEEN- lol. I learnt a long time ago that in situations like that, you gotta do what you gotta do.

SOLOMONSYDELLE- Yes o! I will definately tell that to my kids.

ROCNAIJA- Waiting.......

TAIREBABS- We didn't have a chance to leave. If we did, trust me I would have taken it. lol

JustDB said...

Hehehehe --- Na una go fin' yawa o..... At least ua get sense to run sha! Thank God for your smart thinking!

Qube The Wordsmith said...

Ditto Solomon

Igbo filled house=trouble...always rememba dat

Adaeze said...

Oh my oh my....im cringing just reading that story. i too am amazed u went into there but thank god u made it out, smart move!
Qube, whats this thing about igbo filled house? what does this have 2 do with igbos? fill me in.

Dante said...

hmmm...Bibi, thank your stars..idiat would have had his way with you guys and it would not have been fun, I guarantee you.

Cappuccine Baby said...

CHAI, only in naija lmaaao

scribble,me.free said...

lmao! someone needs to tell Idiot that is NOT how threesomes go down.

seems your cousin has the hookups

scribble,me.free said...

to be honest when I first saw the title I thought "paradox"? now I see

Omotee! said...

Babe u get liver o, in fact, u get plenty liver, after una smell igbo from downstairs, u still carry liver go up?!?!

"Idiot", that name got me laffing hard.

BSNC said...

okay girl you need to stop. how come i always have similar stories with you.. i don't think i will share mine or should i

thank God o. i can imagine what that idiot was thinking. that kay is really a runz girl just like this other girl i know..

My World said...

I finally get to comment....
9ice post and thou I live by ma phone too I doubt if its sawith your cousin's.........lol.

Bibi said...

JUSTDB- yes o! Thank God.

QUBE THE WORDSMITH- Tell me about it

DANTE- I know o! And I thank God that didn't happen

ADAEZE- lol. Not ibos per say but weed(igbo) understand now?

CAPPUCINE BABY- Naija for life! lol

SCRIBBLES- You tell him babes! See why I say you are one of a kind, not everybody has your expertise. lol

OMOTEE- lol, I got the name from BSNC

BSNC- Haba I told you na, its the price we pay for being beautiful. lol

MY WORLD- Errr....I doubt that too. lol

Adaeze said...

lol i know i got it a second read. thanks for making it clear. WEED IS BAD for sure lol people go crazy.

L-VII said...

Chai! When I saw the tittle, I was getting all excited. This situation was amusing and I am glad nobody was hurt.

Original Mgbeke said...

Bibi, that's some crazy stuff. So personal Q and you may ignore if you don't wanna answer...all these molestation steez, did they mess you up in the head or you just brushed it off and kept it moving?

blogoratti said...

Perfect name for that dude....SMH.
That wasn't no threesome nightmare, that was two ladies running a 100 metres. lol...

Bibi said...

ADAEZE- True word.

L-VII- I know, thank God for broken fences

ORIGINAL MGBEKE- Messed up my head ke? I had to brush it off and move forward. Its my life not theirs. Now, I just laugh about it. But it wasn't funny intially. lol

BLOGORATTI- Yes o! I never knew I could run that fast. lol

The Nigerian Fetish said...

OMG!!!! HOW SCARY....wow. yes, you definately need to blog like everyday, because your life is interesting. I definately need to come to Nigeria and make me some friends on the real. Because this seems too fun.

mizchif said...

No be small molestation stories oh!
Serious matter!
I know i'd have been running with my feet hitting d back of my head as soon as i heard d moaning and groaning, abeg i can't fit to shout!

*Diane* said...

wow!!! kudos to you and your sister for coming up w/ a plan even w/out speaking to break out of there. plus calming him down so you guys good escaped . Crazy!!

Smaragd said...

this woulda been funny if it wasnt so scary, plus it brought back bad memories for me.

i'm glad u guys got out good.

RocNaija said...

Damn... Just read the story in full..
The guy was obviously not thinking straight..
He must have obviously thought he'd get away with it cos it's Naija..
Thank goodness you ladies made it out okay..
E for be lonnnnggg ting!

Bibi said...

THE NIGERIAN FETISH- Hey girl, it definately wasn't funny when it was happening but nigeria is fun.

MIZCHIF- We nor get chance to run o! Before we figure out wetin dey happen, idiot come.

DIANE- lol. Na God

SMARAGD- THanks and sorry about the bad memories.

Bibi said...

ROCNAIJA- no long tin for me o!

Nice Anon said...

The name idiot is funny as hell. lol this is funny.Naija is too gangster.

Bibi said...

NICE ANON- leave it to Naija. lol

flabby said...

LMAO!!
wow-thank God it became a funny story!

xo

juiceegal said...

Wow dats some crazy ass experience there....good 2 kno u came out without gettin hurt....ur cousin is a typical naija big gal.....u kno al dem unilag chics nd all....lol.........sumtimes i wish i ws in uni in naija...its jst too mad

FREEDOM said...

All I can say is i'm speechless lol

Confessions of a London gal said...

Dang!!! Clooooooseeeee!
What's with all these London and Yankee boys that go back to Naij and think every female are waiting 4 'em? Pschew!

Bibi said...

FLABBY- Yes o!

JUICEEGAL- Schooling in naija is the best experience. Thanx for stopping by

FREEDOM- lol. Open your mouth.

CONFESSIONS OF A LONDON GAL- help me ask them o!

naijagirl said...

woah....woah! girl, you sure have a lot of stories to fill an autobiography.
I would hate to be in such a situation so I am glad you managed to escape. As for "idiot", you wonder why nollywood potrays americans as drug addicts

Tinu said...

chale Bibi!!u have liver!!!strong one o!!bcos being the chicken that I am!!smelling igbo and hearing people do things!!!off i go!

Abby said...

wow! i came here after you commented on my blog and DAMN! these are some crazy stories, but I love reading them!!! *adds you to blog roll*

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