March 22, 2009

MARRYING THE AMERICAN DREAM?

Hey y’all, what’s good? Or not. Lemme start by saying, I’m not feeling too good but I’m still going to post this. So if you see any typos, it is the sick babe’s fault not the blogger. lol. Oh and Scribbles, you’re off your punishment now. lol. First of all, I want to say thanks to you all who gave some kind of feedback in my previous posts. Preciate your coming through. So, lets get down to business shall we?
My mother is known as “the matchmaker”. Seriously. Not professionally but she is a born professional at it. All of her friends, members of our church, and even some of my friends refer to her as ‘the matchmaker”. And I’ll say now that she has definitely earned that title. You won’t believe how many wedding ceremonies I have attended where my ma has been sponsor, guest of honor and all that. Now that you get my drift, let me get to my main point. A couple of months ago, Aunty Mimi came over to visit. They got talking and after a while, she got to her main reason for coming.

Mrs Mimi- Mama Bibi, you remember my sister Chi in Nigeria?

Ma- Hmm hmm. Is everything okay with her?

Mrs Mimi- yes o, you know she just graduated from Anambra state but…we still never see husband o!

Ma- Heh heh? How many years Chi be now?

Mrs Mimi- Na 28 o! 28! And no husband yet

Ma- She nor get serious boyfriend?

Mrs Mimi- Serious boyfriend ke? I don tell am tire o! but the one when she get na him classmate from school. All of them just graduate. Tell me mama Bibi, before that one go come find job, come buy house, come ready to marry, she never old finish?

Ma- That na if he go still even marry her again

Mrs Mimi- oh oh! Na so I tell am, tell am, tell am. Nor waste your time with all these small boys but e listen? No! See am now. You see am?

Ma- Na so o! all these children when nor dey listen. (hiss) so, na wetin she dey talk now?

Mrs Mimi- Na wetin she wan talk? She know say she nor get time again. She is not getting any younger. She know. I don tell am say we go look for husband for am for here. Na I say…make I come meet you . so you go help us find person.

Ma- Hmm hmm. What about the boyfriend now?

Mrs Mimi- (hiss) which kind boyfriend? She don dump am o! I beg make we talk better thing jare

Ma- okay now. But I nor know person when dey look for wife now but I go look for person.

They talk for a while longer about her “qualities” and the husband-to-be characteristics. And ma told her that she would need a couple of Chi’s pics (see, I told ya. Professional matchmaker. lol) anyway, Mrs Mimi came prepared o! she offered a whole album of Chi’s pictures but Ma only took a few and Mrs Mimi left. Nothing happened for a couple of weeks after that and then, we had this 60th bday party Ma organized. It was a really huge affair and the lady having the party had a really extended family and there were a lot of really cute sons and nephews around. Even a couple of really handsome uncles. lol. I have to say right now that while I’m out with my mum and checking a guy out, so is my mum. I check ‘em out for me, ma checks ‘em out for her “clients”. So, as we were carrying this huge cooler from the trunk, we saw Tee. He wasn’t bad looking at all and a girl would have no complains with his physicality. Before I knew it, Ma calls out

Ma- Excuse me? Young man?

Tee- Yes?

Ma- Could you please help us carry this in?

Tee- Of course ma’am.

He picks it up without a sweat and we follow him in. during the party, I had to leave with a friend and I didn’t see my ma until the day after. And boy did she have gist for me.
As the party progressed, Ma found out that Tee was actually a nephew of the celebrant and since she needed a ride home, she asked him for it. During the drive, she “casually” asked him THE question

Ma- So, are you married?

Tee- (laughs) No ma’am

Ma- Why not? Is it out of lack of interest?

Tee- No, I am interested in marriage but the right woman just hasn’t come along yet

Ma- so, what qualities are you looking for in a wife?

Tee runs through a list and all that and ma of course told me that she had the perfect fit. She showed him her pictures, and gave him her number and viola! They start long distancing. Play by play o, after just about 3 weeks of ‘dating” over the phone, I heard Tee was going to naija to meet Chi. He stayed for about 2 weeks and came back. Play by play, he started making wedding plans. Yes o! just like that. He filed for her and they got married in Naija about a month ago. Last week, I came home to meet Ma bursting with pride

Ma- Bibi, see o! them don give Chi visa to come here

Me- who give Chi visa?

Ma- Which kind question be that? Na who dey give visa? (hiss)

Me- okay, sorry. Na which day them give her?

Ma- Na today o! she just call me now now.

Me- that’s nice. So when she go come now?

Ma- Tee say na before easter o! he nor fit wait to bring him wife

Me- hmm hmm

Ma- Wetin be hmm hmm?

Me- Nuthin. At least chi don happy abi?

Ma- why are you so cynical?

Me- I’m not cynical ma, I’m just kinda surprised that they got married without really knowing each other. I mean, it’s risky enough marrying person when you don know for years talk less of marrying person when you nor know at all

Ma- Who tell you say them nor know each other?

Me- which kind know each other? I beg that one na story

Ma- Ehn. Leave am for them. Which one be your own self?

Me- Abi o. Na their own be that.

Okay my own is, yes I am kind of cynical about the whole thing. I mean, come on. how do you talk to a guy/girl for a couple of weeks, see him/her in person for a couple of days and BAM! Marry him/her. Unless it has something to do with marrying the American dream. You guys have got to agree with me that the first couple of weeks in a relationship is kinda like the “pretend stage”. Where you act your best in hopes of attracting this other person. I wonder what a potential bride/hubby does when a potential mate is coming in search for a spouse. Does she trade in her weave for some “natural” roll and set? Does she take off her “fake acrylic nails” ( Roc, Fashingaa, tell ‘em.lol). Does she go through her closet for all those hand-me-downs her ma gave her years ago but were never worn? You get my drift right? What I’m trying to convey is that the possibility that she wasn’t for real, that he wasn’t for real is like, up there.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just being “cynical” or maybe I just don’t understand what “looooove” is but I should think that before you marry someone, you would want to find out certain thing about him/her. Certain things like, how he reacts when he’s angry. How she reacts when she’s jealous. How he feels about your family. How she spends money and so on and so forth. Correct me if I’m wrong but these kind of things cannot be discovered by “dating” someone for a couple of weeks can they? And I understand that they probably were so attracted to each other that they just had to get married but I have also discovered (not from my experience though. lol) that attraction and love alone cannot keep a marriage. Things like respect, understanding, trust, belief, and a conscience are what really keeps a marriage. Of course with love mixed into it. But are these things you can find in someone after only a couple of weeks of long distancing? I don’t think so but please, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
xoxo

27 comments:

bumight said...

FIRSTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!


ok, u know there's this program called Millionaire Matchmaker
where this babe tries to hookup millionaires, i see huge $$$s coming in for your ma if she goes professional, lol

seriously though, i get your point. The first few weeks of a relationship are the pretend stage...anyways, what choice do you have but to wish them luck? abi

mizchif said...

U're not wrong, infact u'revery right. I'm sure the girl is happy she has an "overseas" husband. I hope it works out well for them in the end tho, tho i know i would never go that route.

JustDB said...

Aha... Your Ma is a real professional.. And with the kind of success rates she can claim, her future as a professional will be assured.

I'd only just wonder how long is sufficient to 'know' someone. Granted a few weeks is really pushing it, but unless its someone you've grown up with and have been able to evaluate in non-pressure situations, there will always be an element of putting up a best face... Maybe different timelines work for different peeps anyways...

BSNC said...

you are correct about that pretend stage, but its noe for everybody. At the end of the day, it may just work out for the two of day.. i wish them luck.. nice post

blogoratti said...

Your doubts are quite understandable. But whatever works out for them,whatever makes them happy..they both know what they want.

RocNaija said...

The main problem is so many people are obsessed with 'love'..
The phenom.. the concept.. the intangible emotion..
And have an impression on what’s right and what’s wrong..
I’ve seen marriages built on similar foundations.. collapse terribly.. I’ve also witnessed some flourish…
It wont work for everyone.. but some people get so frustrated with their circumstances that they’re willing to try..
Doesn’t make them any less sensible than the person right next to them waiting for love..
I personally won't knock 'em for trying.. fair play and good luck to them..

PS.. So B, I'm guessing you don't intend to pay momsy a retainer allowance then..? ;-)

scribble,me.free said...

i dont like hookups...i'm something of a romantic and I wouldn't like being set up like that...i dont believe it would work

my mum, dad and aunty once conspired to hook me up with a girl. she was actually kinda cool, but the simple fact that they had tried it meant it was a no no

Repressed One said...

LOL that was funny. Ur mums na serious match maker.

My dear, who are we to say how much time should pass before people take the plunge? Yes, it's seems short and eye-brow-raising worthy but who knows? After all they say "when you know, you know"

Ah well, good luck to them

PS: Thanks for stopping by...u for tell me where u get that bag na, Bibi :D. Hope you feel better!

bukkysexy said...

Damn! i so wanted to be first but my pc ran off on me the past few days. anyways, mumsy is da bomb. lol and @ tee and chi (all these ur names na wa o) their pretend stage won't last for too long. abi? they will find out the truth. let's hope its not too late.lol

Lady Koko said...

well...in refrence to mr.s.m.f.....HE AINT MY *man*..we are still e-dating....YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE......JUST BE DISCRETE..koko aint gats to know....I AM JEALOUS LOVER AND ALL...*sigh*....
BUT THEN AGAIN...smf is always one up for a *threesome* *DOUBLE SIGH*

ohhhh i sooo feel you on this one..BAFFLES ME!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WE COME ACROSS THE very....extremely rare cases...IN WHICH SUCH CIRCUMSTANCIAL MARRIAGES SEEM TO WORK..THATS PROLLY LIKE 1% !!!!!!!! THE OTHER 89% SUFFER IN SILENCE....VERY FEW HAVE THE COURAGE TO GET A DIVORCE(i dnt blame them).....I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN ISSUE WITH ANYThing that COMES WITH THE TAG *FOREVER*....i understand at a certain age a woman starts to get desperate...PRESSURE FROM FAMILY INCREASES..i get that..buhhh.....THIS STAGE CAN NEVER BE AS BAD AS LIVING IN HELL WITH A MAN....WHO YOU KNU U HAVE TO STICK WITH *forever* YIKES!!!!!!
P.S:sadly....this seems to be the latest TREND for the nigerian sistas. XOXO

Lady Koko said...

ON THE OTHER HAND...your ma is a badass chic!!!!!! I HAIL!!!!!!
AM GONNA STEAL HER CHAT UP LINES TOO,
"OH YOUNG MAN WILL YOU BE KIND ENOUGH TO HELP THIS SISTA CARRY HER GUCCI PURSE...OH UR SUCH A DARLING|" hehe

Buttercup said...

1st of all..lol @ ur mum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u r on point with this..but i strongly believe that theres an exception to EVERY rule..this just might be one of those exceptions, who knows?

Spicytee said...

Mumsy is very funny..But she is just being a mum you know, she meant well.

I really don't like hook up,but if is those type s that sayss,check urself out and see if it will work out not all those is a must affairs.

Nice post and thanks for stopping by at my crib..Pls tell mumsy that I'mlooking for a husband too..Get me her email add so I can send pics,qualitities and xteristis to her..Thx.

Geebee said...

First, I don't think you need any correction cos you're soooo right. Marriage should be a step by step thing. I totally disagree with the 'love at first sight' thing. It's been responsible for the break up of so many marriages. Anyways, there are sometimes exceptions though. I wish Tee and Chi the best of luck. Now, it could really be that Chi is 'marrying the American dream' and maybe not. Anything's possible these days. Can I have your mum's phone number? I have some peeps who might just be needing her services. lol

Smaragd said...

ur mum is tew mush!!!

the style with which she even got the guy's attention alone is worthy of an award!

that said, I totally agree with u,although some people get lucky, so we cant be sooo definite.

I wish Tee and Chi luck!

Smaragd said...

p.s. I am not one for match-making, they never work for me jare.

Original Mgbeke said...

Nna ehn, I just tire for the whole thing. Like I've heard so many stories like Tee and Chi's. I can't even question anyone anymore...it's like just do you!
However I know a couple who got engaged after 6 months of dating and are divorced. I also know a couple who dated for 1 month are have been happily married for the last 5 years.

Funms-the rebirth said...

your mum is good........ can i send pics? i feel u sha, for me to marry someone, we must have dated for at least 3yrs cuz i need to knowmost of the things and habit u have.....hope it works out for them well sha

Ms Sula said...

That was hilarious! Your mom is a professional for sure!! :)

The thing about arranged marriages is that the expectations are low... so the chances of it working out are greater... Marriage is primarily a business deal meaning an alignment of the same interests to prosper... So if they were able to align their "visions" for the future, their marriage has a greater chance to succeed!

Fashinga said...

Men!!! Tell mumsy to come and hook a sista up!!! lol

Anyway,there are some people who have gotten married after just a few weeks of dating and it worked..i know someone who had a similar case and she's been married to her husband for 12 years now.. But then again, for some, it would fail miserably..

Personally, i would never marry someone i dont know..NEVER!!! trust me..
I think they should have taken things a bit slow but what does the babe have to lose..who no wan come yankee?? lol..

Later Babes!!!!
F.

Bibi said...

BUMIGHT- i know abi? i can be her manager.lol.

MIZCHIF- Different strokes for different people. nor be so?

JUSTDB- i agree

BSNC- so do i.

BLOGORATTI- yep yep

ROCNAIJA- retainer allowance ke? say wetin happen?

SRIBBLES- you. romantic ko, romantic ni. lol. just admit that you don't like hookups cos u feel as though you can get any chic you want. common, admit it. you know you want to. lol

REPRESSED ONE- lol. thanks for stopping by and i got my beautiful mustard colored, did i say beautiful already? handbag at Aldo's. yum. (singsong) summer time.

BUKKYSEXY- and here i thought i was cynical.lol

LADY KOKO- lol. the only threesome i fantasize about rite now involves Scibbles, me and Roc. yum. as for the line, trust me it works all the time. personal experience.lol

BUTTERCUP- hmm hmm. i pray so

SPICYTEE- true. as for mumsy's email, you wan put me for trouble? if i tell am say my friend want make she match am up, she go say "see, thats what should be on your mind now Bibi. your friend knows what her priorities are" i beg o!

GEEBEE- thank you jo! lol. as per mumsy's number, refer to spicytee's response.lol

SMARAGD- yep yep

ORIGINAL MGBEKE- one man's meat is anoda man's poison abi? lol

FUMS-THE-REBIRTH- yep. i hope so too. after all a divorce will not look good on mumsy's resume.lol

MS SULA- i don't know about that. but let's agree to disagree abi?

FASHINGAA- hook a sista up! who? you? with all the wanna be lovers around?lol

Bibi said...

thanks y'all. preciate your input

SHE said...

Bibi, Does your last comment mean that you're not entertaining anymore comments? Because I'm just about to say my own!

First of all, How can i contact your Ma?

Seriously, I agree with you so much about the pretend stage. I know someone who's in that stage now and I get so sick of the whole process!
I believe its only people who are almost desperate to get married who do things like that, getting married after only a couple of weeks! Bah!

all the same, I wish 'em all the best!

Bibi said...

SHE- no way o! leave your comments. lol

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

my sista, if the thing works for them then we can all be happy for them shebi?

But this ya mama, na wa oh. Her skills are serious.

Good Naija Girl said...

I feel you o! My mom doesn't understand why I'm expressing reservations with a particular situation going on in my family but I just don't think like you said after one meeting you can get an idea of what someone will be like as a husband forever and ever. I prefer to err on the side of caution.

(Perhaps this will change in a few years, but I doubt it!)

That being said, your mom is a true professional. Does she have any connections in Canada? :)

naija shawty said...

jeez, ur momma is a pro.
imagine obod oyinbo hubby just like dat.