MARRYING THE AMERICAN DREAM?

Hey y’all, what’s good? Or not. Lemme start by saying, I’m not feeling too good but I’m still going to post this. So if you see any typos, it is the sick babe’s fault not the blogger. lol. Oh and Scribbles, you’re off your punishment now. lol. First of all, I want to say thanks to you all who gave some kind of feedback in my previous posts. Preciate your coming through. So, lets get down to business shall we?
My mother is known as “the matchmaker”. Seriously. Not professionally but she is a born professional at it. All of her friends, members of our church, and even some of my friends refer to her as ‘the matchmaker”. And I’ll say now that she has definitely earned that title. You won’t believe how many wedding ceremonies I have attended where my ma has been sponsor, guest of honor and all that. Now that you get my drift, let me get to my main point. A couple of months ago, Aunty Mimi came over to visit. They got talking and after a while, she got to her main reason for coming.

Mrs Mimi- Mama Bibi, you remember my sister Chi in Nigeria?

Ma- Hmm hmm. Is everything okay with her?

Mrs Mimi- yes o, you know she just graduated from Anambra state but…we still never see husband o!

Ma- Heh heh? How many years Chi be now?

Mrs Mimi- Na 28 o! 28! And no husband yet

Ma- She nor get serious boyfriend?

Mrs Mimi- Serious boyfriend ke? I don tell am tire o! but the one when she get na him classmate from school. All of them just graduate. Tell me mama Bibi, before that one go come find job, come buy house, come ready to marry, she never old finish?

Ma- That na if he go still even marry her again

Mrs Mimi- oh oh! Na so I tell am, tell am, tell am. Nor waste your time with all these small boys but e listen? No! See am now. You see am?

Ma- Na so o! all these children when nor dey listen. (hiss) so, na wetin she dey talk now?

Mrs Mimi- Na wetin she wan talk? She know say she nor get time again. She is not getting any younger. She know. I don tell am say we go look for husband for am for here. Na I say…make I come meet you . so you go help us find person.

Ma- Hmm hmm. What about the boyfriend now?

Mrs Mimi- (hiss) which kind boyfriend? She don dump am o! I beg make we talk better thing jare

Ma- okay now. But I nor know person when dey look for wife now but I go look for person.

They talk for a while longer about her “qualities” and the husband-to-be characteristics. And ma told her that she would need a couple of Chi’s pics (see, I told ya. Professional matchmaker. lol) anyway, Mrs Mimi came prepared o! she offered a whole album of Chi’s pictures but Ma only took a few and Mrs Mimi left. Nothing happened for a couple of weeks after that and then, we had this 60th bday party Ma organized. It was a really huge affair and the lady having the party had a really extended family and there were a lot of really cute sons and nephews around. Even a couple of really handsome uncles. lol. I have to say right now that while I’m out with my mum and checking a guy out, so is my mum. I check ‘em out for me, ma checks ‘em out for her “clients”. So, as we were carrying this huge cooler from the trunk, we saw Tee. He wasn’t bad looking at all and a girl would have no complains with his physicality. Before I knew it, Ma calls out

Ma- Excuse me? Young man?

Tee- Yes?

Ma- Could you please help us carry this in?

Tee- Of course ma’am.

He picks it up without a sweat and we follow him in. during the party, I had to leave with a friend and I didn’t see my ma until the day after. And boy did she have gist for me.
As the party progressed, Ma found out that Tee was actually a nephew of the celebrant and since she needed a ride home, she asked him for it. During the drive, she “casually” asked him THE question

Ma- So, are you married?

Tee- (laughs) No ma’am

Ma- Why not? Is it out of lack of interest?

Tee- No, I am interested in marriage but the right woman just hasn’t come along yet

Ma- so, what qualities are you looking for in a wife?

Tee runs through a list and all that and ma of course told me that she had the perfect fit. She showed him her pictures, and gave him her number and viola! They start long distancing. Play by play o, after just about 3 weeks of ‘dating” over the phone, I heard Tee was going to naija to meet Chi. He stayed for about 2 weeks and came back. Play by play, he started making wedding plans. Yes o! just like that. He filed for her and they got married in Naija about a month ago. Last week, I came home to meet Ma bursting with pride

Ma- Bibi, see o! them don give Chi visa to come here

Me- who give Chi visa?

Ma- Which kind question be that? Na who dey give visa? (hiss)

Me- okay, sorry. Na which day them give her?

Ma- Na today o! she just call me now now.

Me- that’s nice. So when she go come now?

Ma- Tee say na before easter o! he nor fit wait to bring him wife

Me- hmm hmm

Ma- Wetin be hmm hmm?

Me- Nuthin. At least chi don happy abi?

Ma- why are you so cynical?

Me- I’m not cynical ma, I’m just kinda surprised that they got married without really knowing each other. I mean, it’s risky enough marrying person when you don know for years talk less of marrying person when you nor know at all

Ma- Who tell you say them nor know each other?

Me- which kind know each other? I beg that one na story

Ma- Ehn. Leave am for them. Which one be your own self?

Me- Abi o. Na their own be that.

Okay my own is, yes I am kind of cynical about the whole thing. I mean, come on. how do you talk to a guy/girl for a couple of weeks, see him/her in person for a couple of days and BAM! Marry him/her. Unless it has something to do with marrying the American dream. You guys have got to agree with me that the first couple of weeks in a relationship is kinda like the “pretend stage”. Where you act your best in hopes of attracting this other person. I wonder what a potential bride/hubby does when a potential mate is coming in search for a spouse. Does she trade in her weave for some “natural” roll and set? Does she take off her “fake acrylic nails” ( Roc, Fashingaa, tell ‘em.lol). Does she go through her closet for all those hand-me-downs her ma gave her years ago but were never worn? You get my drift right? What I’m trying to convey is that the possibility that she wasn’t for real, that he wasn’t for real is like, up there.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just being “cynical” or maybe I just don’t understand what “looooove” is but I should think that before you marry someone, you would want to find out certain thing about him/her. Certain things like, how he reacts when he’s angry. How she reacts when she’s jealous. How he feels about your family. How she spends money and so on and so forth. Correct me if I’m wrong but these kind of things cannot be discovered by “dating” someone for a couple of weeks can they? And I understand that they probably were so attracted to each other that they just had to get married but I have also discovered (not from my experience though. lol) that attraction and love alone cannot keep a marriage. Things like respect, understanding, trust, belief, and a conscience are what really keeps a marriage. Of course with love mixed into it. But are these things you can find in someone after only a couple of weeks of long distancing? I don’t think so but please, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
xoxo