October 29, 2009

NIGERIAN HATERATION 2

Hey my toothaches, how have y'all been doing? miss me much? *nods* i thought so. lol. Anyways, i don miss una die o! A little birdie told me that while i was on my little trip, some of my dearly beloved bloggers departed! How true is that?! But i will try not to dwell on sad memories and move on with my blogging life. So, down to business. This is a continuation of a post i did a loooong while back. never thought i would continue it but last week something happened that got my knickers in a knot nor be small. It all began when my friend got her hair braided. Now, those of you females who are abroad know what i mean when i say that i have never braided my hair since i crossed Alhaji Murtala Mohammed airport. walai talai! Because those things they call braids over here heh! Since i came into this country, i have had this recurring nightmare that i will step into a salon to get my hair braided and come out looking like medusa. *shudders* (yes o, it is that serious) But as i was saying, i saw my friend's braids and was never the same again. (reciting poetry) Just imagine; long silky tresses with smooth twists, smooth twists that cry of the mastery of their maker! smooth long tresses that run the length of her back! smooth long tresses that made me hunger to be under the Ikeja bridge on a hot sweaty day, having five people poke their hands up in my head and give me headache that lasts for weeks. smooth long tresses that... Heh...i'm sure you get my point. So as i was saying, i saw my friend's hair o! and if you see the way i begged her for the number of the person who made such a master piece heh? you would have thought that i was a starved man begging for bread. well, in a way, i was. so, long story short, it was a couple of Camerounian girls who had just came into the country and i got an appointment to make my hair that very same day. I got to their house and they started braiding my hair. as they were in the middle of it, some friends of theirs came over and them con start to speak their pidgin english. And from what i could understand which is most of it, apparently these babes nor get kpali(legal papers)and according to them, they can get it by only two ways.

1. Marry a not so wise guy who is aware that you have no papers but convince him that you have fallen in love with him in the two weeks since you met him and get him to marry you in a month.

2. Sit in front of a panel of investigators and lie that you are seeking asylum from the on going war in your country and risk going to jail for the rest of your not so longer long life if you misanswer one of the about five thousand questions they ask you.

Tough decision that. Now according to these girls, the cons about option 1 is that the Camerounian community here is very small and when a guy "courts" you, he will want to sample the goods abi? and before you find the mugu you are looking for, word don spread say you dey spread your leg. their words, not mine. which leaves us with option number two. As they started rehearsing the answer to the questions, curiosty got the best of me and i asked them a question. Bad move.

Me: So you go tell the embassy say una run from una country?

chic 1: yea. you nor hear this kine lie before now?

Me: No o.

Chic 2: you be from Nigerian yes?

Me: yes

Chic 1&2: hmm hmm

Me: wetin be hmm hmm?

Chic 2: you Nigeria people, u get am easy

Me: how?

chic 2: becos una come here, get job, get house, get car. nor get problems

me: because we dey work.

chic 1: becos una dey help unaself. nor help other people. Nigeria people selfish

me: how we wan take help una? by marriage?

chic 2: God forbid am for me! marry NIgeria? No way!

chic 1: i go back to me country instead of marry Nigeria boy. them evil

Me; so how we go take help if una nor go even marry us?

chic 2; una know road for this country well well. una suppose show us how to get una kine job, show us road

chic 1: but una stay together, nor make friends with anybody else but nigeria, carry your nose for air like say the rest of us dey smell. una feel too good than us. we are neighbours, you suppose to help us

chci 3: yes, everywhere you go Nigerians. school, church, club. nigerians. dem feel too big. dem think dem own everything here.

Chei! i don start to see blue and black right now!

me: ok, e don do.

chic 2: no, we nor mean to insult you, you just tell you how it is

me: but you are insulting me.i am a nigerian afterall.

chic 1: yes, which is why we tell you how it is. so you know.

me: no, i nor know anything. una think say na only una dey come here come suffer? everybody comes here and suffer. before we get jobs we suffer too. you know what your problem is, you come here expecting miracles and maybe because people have told you that in America, there are trees of money and all you have to do is pluck. and now you think that we Nigerians have hidden this tree in our backyards

I nor know why but when i start to get pissed off, i subconciously switch to grammar. lol go figure.

Chic 3: no, no its not like that. okay, there are a lot of nigerians here right? and because of that you all know things and how they work so you help eachother but you don't tell nobody these things to help them too.

chic 1; because them are selfish! and wicked! i used to have this nigerian boyfriend. for 2 years, him nor give me 1 penny. nor even buy me vaseline.

chic 2: and the girls, dem think they are too all that. and try to steal your man.

me: i beg i beg, lets not even go into that. i be just dey ask about the asylum thing. every foreign country get the thing when dem dey take lie if them dey look for papers. if una own na asylum, do your thing. but see una dey say Nigerian nor dey help people. but since i dey here na curse una just dey curse us. how i go take help una like that? if say i get job or something when i for fit help you with, you think say i go tell u now?

that definately shut them up. and really truely, my aunt just opened aan African shop and she is looking for workers she can pay "under the table" and if those chicas hadn't opened their mouth to utter such insults i would have hooked them up. but now, how can i let them work for my aunt who is a Nigerian? make them nor carry their hateration enter her shop i beg. so, too bad.

But before we got into our little debate, one of the girls told a story of how she got her own asylum. Apparently, when they started asking her her questions, she started to falter. smart babe when she be, she turned her problem to her advantage. the investigator guy asked her what made her run away from Cameroun. The babe say when he ask her that one, her head nor fit find any answer so she tell am say them rape her. she said she bent her head because she dey think for her head say, "na im be this! dem don catch me today" but the man mistook her palava for shame and said "its okay, its okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. i understand that it is painful for you and i'm sorry. but i just still have to ask you a couple of questions. do you think you are up to that?" the babe say she nod head like person when never eat for weeks. the guy con tell her to expand on how she was raped. the kine tory when this babe come up with heh? and me i thought i had an imagination. she tell the man say after they raped her, she had a baby but that some villagers came and threw her baby into a fire because the man who raped her was from the tribe they were fighting against. of course none of this is true. the babe laughed so hard after relating the story, i actually felt sorry for that investigator man. Genius right?! the babe is too much. but you know how the oyibos are out to save the world. they take a little fight between two communities and when they say it on the news, you would think they were talking about world war III. Now, i'm not saying that they are wrong or that it is wrong of them to help but you have to admit that sometimes they tend to get carried away. especially in relation to Africa.

I remember one time in Warri when they were having one of the ishekiri and ijaw fights. i was going back to uniben that day and i took the Edegbe line. Deal is, when you have lived in Warri for a while, you tend to get used to their tantrums. and you learn where to go and when to go there at this period of time when they are doing this certain thing. so even if they are fighting, life goes on. most of the markets are still open, people still go to school and life goes on as usual. now, i'm not saying that they don't have really major fights where the state is really closed down, because they do. but this particular fight was a mild one. when i got to Benin that day, i was watching CNN when i heard..."there is a major war crisis on going between two tribes in the city of warri, delta state in Nigeria. This war has been going on concurrently for the past two weeks and the government fears that there is no stopping them this time. the market places are shut down, schools are closed and people are living in fear in their houses of being sluttered to death at the hands of these blood thirsty touts. As of now, the governement is contemplating sending in wagons of food into the state..." In Naija, say who die! anyways, you understand when i say, they tend to over exaggerate.

30 comments:

BSNC said...

Babe so you finally post ehn. You try oo. welcome back..

Can you imagine, naija's should help them. why can't they help themselves first, abeg jare..

lol that ur friend try o, fear no go let me. rape ke. hmm


hope you are back o...

Nice Anon said...

You should come up with something better than that! How can you stay away for so long and come back like that?

iphyigbogurl said...

lol......those cameroonian babes are a trip!!...

abeg na good thing say dem yan u their resentment for the naija peeps before ou wanted to recomment them to ur aunty.....

mehn dat babes lie ehn....i bow oh!!!

i think they should try th marraige option..... the assylum thing..wen u lie and dem catch u..omo u dey on ur own...lol

glad to have u back

leggy said...

longgggggg time.
i no o why african country hate us...here is a comment i found on one website like that:
'Why Nigeria? why not just Africa? whats wrong with all the other African countries? I’ll still watch though.'
' I think this isnt fair. This ISNT FAIR AT ALL. Why is it that everytime something like this happens it ALWAYS has to be either Nigerian, Kenyans or south african people that are given the opportunity to participate in such activities. Why can`t it be AFRICAS next top model like america's and canada's next top model? This is bullshit. PURE BULLSHIT, I do NOT support this show, I disgrace it. It's good that shes giving nigerian girls opportunities to fuffil they're dreams but what about the other girls? In other countries? Is it that only nigerians and south africans are beautiful? Why is it that it's ALWAYS the same countries? Why is it? This is BULLSH!T'

sigh...people will always hate.

Repressed One said...

LOL!!! Oh wow!! I knew Nigeria was hated amongst other africans but i had no idea they think we are somehow 'favored' lol. Are they kidding? Do they know how many yahoo yahoo marriages and lies pple have told also just to stay in amelika??

Na wa! People always want what you have cos they always think it came easy. Yi o ba furo gbogbo wan!! lolz

Glad to see you've been well, Bibi.

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

You're back!!! :-), Welcome ooo..

Its so sad, we get hated on from other countries in the same continent, smh...it's nothing new tho....we can't help it, we're HOT and they're NOT!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

who are these cameroonians?

Na wa oh.

Well, I have plenty Camer family and those guys have been seriously Nigerianized. But its sad that those ladies were hating on Naija. I guess that is the in thing, shebi?

Hope all is well.

Manda said...

i was thinking the story would end with they refused finishing my braids. so, how do u look? some babes are strong sha!

Myne Whitman said...

LOL, I've heard that other countries hate naija but not in such colorful language. Hehhehe, na dem loss.

True talk about the hair, did yours turn out OK?

BBB said...

thats life..
there must be haters...
as far as i am concerned we are who we are..
and if those chicas hadnt open their dirty mouths maybe they would've have gottin d start they were lookin 4.


*long time

Lady X said...

LMAO!
But they seem really prejudiced against Nigerians themselves! That's the thing that makes me laugh! I actually don't look down on other Africans, to me we are all the same but people say they seem to think we are pompous. I don't know why o! Just cuz someone appears pompous why can't it just be that they are pompous, why does it have to be cuz they're Nigerian!

blogoratti said...

Hey you...welcome back uhn.

Bibi said...

BSNC
finally jare, i nor try? lol. that chica needs to get into nollywood as soon as possible. lol

NICE ANON
na condition make crayfish bend o my sister! wetin man pikin go do na?

IPHYIGBOGURL
Babe, your name hard to spell nor be small sha. lol. thanks jare but who am i to talk? both options are very dangerous o!

LEGGY
i know thats right! thanks babe. but come o, that author dey mental! if nobody wants to invest in entertainment in other countries, how is it nigeria's fault? why not blame global warming on us too? msheeeeeeew

REPRESSED ONE
nor mind them my dear, they think they are the only ones with issues. if only nigerians could clame war, do they know how many naija's will be filing for asylum? lol

Bibi said...

BLOWING BLESSINGS YOUR WAY
you gat that right! thanks babe.lol

SOLOMONSYDELLE
Looooongest time! Nigeriazed Camerounians?! i would loooove to see that. lol

MANDA
refuse to finish my hair ke? say who born man pikin? lol. but at the end of the day everyone's looking for money. to condesend as low as to braid a nigerian's hair?! imagine that! lol. but the hair looks absolutely georgous, i have to give them that much.

BBB
i know jare but too bad about them though

MYNE WHITMAN
it looks very good. just like braids are supposed to look like. lol

LADY X
see me see wahala o! how is it my fault that some of my country pple have chips on their shoulder? blame it on the na na na na na nigerians i guess. lol

BLOGORATTI
hey my sweet potatoe, how have you been? thanks mehn.

Tatababe said...

LMBO!!! @ ur conversation with the Cameroonian girls....funny enough I have a Ugandan friend who complains about us Nigerian being everywhere. He totally lost it when a Nigerian (Chikezie) got on American idol some seasons ago but like you rightly said how will ppl help them if they keep hating.

Tatababe said...

I appreciate your stopping by my blog earlier

neefemi said...

lol...first time on here and it was a good way to enter, thats pure jokes - but my theory in life is this, if u want sumn u better open up ur mouth to ask - all that prejudice aint getting you anywhere, when you could ask and a door will be open unto u - like u would have told them about the job - their loss

thanks for stopping by the blog

Ms. 'dufa said...

Welcome back. Lol. see how they fell their hand, to think you could have helped. The whole convo was funny because its amazing how some some people.
Its enough that we have some whites hating on Nigerians but I think we just have special beef with most Africans i.e. non nigerians.

The- Damsel said...

not surprised... a lot of other africans HATE Nigerians YET they want to be like us...u should see how they are all over Naija movies over here...na jealousy dey worry dem..
but i will admit that some Nigerians act pompous and we are flashy sha..but we work hard ...u think Nigerians come to the U.S to play around? NOPE we are the MOST educated immigrants in the U.S!( Look it up o!)

chayoma said...

I'm with lady X oh
i view us Africans with same eye, but for some reason,haa, dem think say we (Nigerians) get am easy.

We r proud! Yes i admit. We got each other's back. That is the way it is supposed to be.
If na hateration that we got mega love for each other, make dem comot for my view abeg!
Die hard Naija right thurrr....

Bibi said...

TATABABE
See me see wahala. how is it our fault that chikezie got in? lol. no probs girl. thanx for stopping by.

NEEFEMI
true. thanks girl....

MS DUFA
them fall their hand big time nor be lie. thanx

THE DAMSEL
tell them! msheeeeeew. yeye peoples. lol

CHAYOMA
How we nor go proud? we are the giants of Africa abi? lol

Writefreak said...

Welcome back!

What's with all this hating sef? They should go and sleep somewhere jo...but could there be an iota of truth in what they say?

Miss Natural said...

lol welcome back ohhhh! they must really hate nigerians oh lol...after all we are the giant of africa (but mostly for the wrong reasons) :(

Tosie said...

Wow...just started following your blog...tis as random as it is fun...very original.

AliBee said...

It's so sad what people do to stay in the US and then they wonder why people say we are corrupt. I do agree that we could cooperate more with our neightbors, but damn why all the animosity.....

Bibi, glad to see you are back :)

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Nala said...

All this people claiming naija no dey help, am sure in their minds they wish they were nigerians...abeg leave them, they will tire to dey talk about them when the time comes o jare

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