REVEREND FATHER

Hey y'all, what's good? First of, let me say that this post might be upseting to some people but I am a catholic. Baptised, holycommunioned and confirmed. So this ain't no hating business.
A couple of years ago when I got into UNIBEN, I lived in the school hostel *shakes head* You know how it is. Anyways, during my second year, my cousin Mimi and I got an apartment in Ekosodin. We had a couple of house rules that we both had to follow but the rules didn't even matter cos we both knew each others likes, dislikes and limits. Mimi was very active in church and she was friends with the reverend fathers. So I was kinda surprised when she came home with this guy one day. She introduced him as father Vincent and I was also kinda shocked because he didn't look like a reverend father to me. He was really young and cute and didn't have none of those collar thingy (I forget the name). So, we all get talking and like I said, he wasn't like no reverend I had ever met. When it started to get dark, I began to wonder when he was going to leave because Ekosodin is not a place where you want to be moving about at night. I looked over at my cousin.

ME- Mimi, can I talk to you for a sec?

MIMI- Sure. Excuse us father Vincent

We walk over to the bathroom.

ME- Mimi, time don dey go o. When father Vincent dey go?

MIMI- (looking sheepish) Err....I didn't tell you before but ehm....I told father Vincent that he could ehm spend the night here.

ME- Because of wetin? Why will he stay here? What happened to the parish house?

MIMI- well, since he came here on personal business, he can't stay in the parish house and he doesn't have anyone here.

ME- So? Okay, even if he was going to spend the night why didn't you tell me so I could go over to Ruthie's place...

MIMI- And leave me here alone with him? No o! I just thought that at least with both of us in the house, nobody will say anything

ME- And you didn't tell me about it at all? I don't like this o Mimi. I don't like it.

MIMI- I beg na, I nor go do am again.

So we went back into the room and gisted until we all fell asleep. I don't know how long I had slept for before I began to feel it.
"It" being someone's fingers. Inside of me. I tell you, I thought I was dreaming. Until I started hearing all these grunts. I don't know about you but my dream men, do not grunt. lol. So I woke up but laid still. Then I began to understand what the heck was going on. Father Vincent was.....you knowing me! I screamed at him.

ME- What are you doing?

FV- Nothing....just....I saw a...an ant going into your dress so I....

ME- You saw an ant going into my dress, so what were your fingers doing in....there?

FV- I didn't mean to touch you.....it just called out to me. All i wanted to do was help

At this time, I looked down at FV's pants and it was bulging like crazy! I look at my cousin and she was sleeping so deep that you would burn the house up and she would sleep through it. I look at the time and it was 2am! I looked back at FV

ME- (sigh) Just...stay away from me. I'll pretend this never happened. just stay away from me. I'm gonna go back to bed now...

FV- I'm sorry, i didn't mean......

ME- Wharever

WTF? So i went back to bed. I didn't really sleep deep, just in case. and really a couple of minutes later when I guess i started breathing deeply like I was asleep, guess what? I felt the reverend's hands sliding up my waist. Initially, he was hesistant but when I didn't move, he grew bolder. I waited until I could actually catch him in the act. But this time, he actually had the guts to hold my boobs! I turned around and slapped him so hard, he actually jumped off the bed.

ME- Are you crazy? craze dey worry you for head? or did you see another ant?

FV- No, I....

ME- Shut up! You pervert!Oh my God!

FV- sssshhh. please lower your voice

ME- Which kind lower my voice? i should even be throwing you out of my house right now. How dare you call yourself a man of God and try to molest me!

At this stage, i was screaming so loudly, my cuz woke up

MIMI- What's going on?

ME- Ask your reverend! Imagine him putting his hands on me

MIMI- Heh? You say wetin? He touch you?

Trust me, but my cuz angry, is not a sight you want to behold. it was just as though all the sleep left her eyes and she got up and held him by his shirt.

MIMI- HOW DARE YOU! I brought you into my house and you have the guts to lay your hands on my sister?

FV- No....no...it's not what you think....i can expla....it was the devil! the devil was....

MIMI- Shut your ass up you dolt. which devil? By the way, what exactly did he do?

At this stage, i was feeling sorry for the pervert cos my sister was about to scratch his eyes out.

ME- Errr...when i woke up he was touching my boobs.....

MIMI- HE WAS TOUCHING YOUR WHAT?!!!

Next thing i knew she was hitting him like a mad woman o! I even had to protect the guy from her. After a little while, she went into the kitchen.

ME- Mimi, what are you doing? don't even think about it.

As i turned to warn the asshole, what i saw was his car lights as he left. That made me laugh like a mad woman o! when my sister came back, she had a knife with her.

MIMI- Why u dey laugh? you think this is funny heh? where is that dog?

ME- the dog don run. i beg give me knife jare. wetin you for even use am do anyway?

MIMI- He get luck say he run. Idioooooooot. na only your breast he touch abi?

ME- Errr....yes. i wake up quick

MIMI- Good. he get luck o! If say he touch anywhere else, i for go report am for church. abi you want make i still report am?

ME- no, just let am go.

That was the last we heard of father Vincent. That guy was a lucky ass dude cos my sister is spitting wafarian crazy. This cracks me up every time.

MUMMY/LESBIAN LOVERZ

Okay I know the topic sounds weird but get your mind outta the gutter. They're two very different things. But first things first, I got an honesty award from the one and only, ANYAPOSH so I have to do mine and tag seven people.(this is different from the honesty meme thingy so you guys better not be telling me you did it already) but I am open to negotiation. If you do not want to be tagged, you better be sending me some dolce-vita shoes and steve madden glasses. Only then and then alone will I refrain from tagging you. Now that I think about it, I just might tag thirty people. So do not think I'm playing. Hehehe
So, a guyfriend calls me yesterday and we got talking. He asked me to tell him somethings that turn me off once I start going out with a guy. I gave him a couple of things and then I told him. "if I heard him talking on the phone and going 'hi mummy', I would be turned off". guyfriend saw nothing wrong with that. Not that I'm saying there's something wrong with it. i love a guy who loves his mother and treats her like a queen that she is but maybe I'm just being paranoid or something. Let me know though.
Okay I have had it. Is it something I say? Something I do? How I dress? How I smile or some other thing? I don't know but I know I have had it. I'm talking about girls asking me out. Usually, I don't mind. I actually feel flattered that a girl is attracted to me but recently, it's become kinda annoying. There's this co-worker who's been bugging the crap outta me. She does not take no for an answer. She's been dropping hints that she likes me and I've been dropping hints that I'm not available at least not to a girl. This morning she saw me and started talking about how my eyeshadow makes my eyes look sexier than usual. I normally would be flattered but I was kinda irritated like what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?
I guess I was irritated because at the house party on saturday, this girl was also hitting on me! Now I'm not upset they're hitting on me. No, but it has me thinking. Is it something I wear or do or say? And maybe I'm just freaking out because this has never happened in such succession before. So, am I being paranoid? On both account.

BY THE WAY............

A lil P.S on my previous post.
*Did I mention that chic smokes weed?
Now all voting rules apply (guys answer as guys, ladies imagine you're a guy)
Would you date a girl who smokes weed? Now, would you marry a girl who smokes weed?

WIFE? OR GIRLFRIEND?

I was supposed to be posting about a house party I was at today. I still am, sort of. But this post isn't what I had in mind when I decided to blog. Anyhow sha, this one is a question I'm throwing to you guys, so I need answers. The story is, I was at this house party like I said and there were a lot of young ladies. But I knew only one of these girls and since she was busy getting drunk, and none of the dudes caught my attention, I decided to sit back and watch the body language of some of the girls.(I can freakingly read body language. I can tell you how people really feel about each other by watching them) Anyways, enough about my talents. lol. So, as I was observing, this chic came in. She was a beautiful girl. She had really long dreadlocks, a couple of tattoos on her boobs and the dark lips of a smoker. As soon as she walked in, she bacame the life of the party. Everyone was calling her, talking to her and talking about her. The funny thing is that at this party, there were both married couples and singles. So I asked my friend "is she married?" "naaaw, but she's searching". I kept on looking around and the non-verbal communication between chic and one sexy dude (who happened to be married) caught my eye. There was a certain kind of akwardness between the both of them. I asked my friend "see that dude over there? Who's his wife?" she points her out to me. She's also pretty but not as much as chic. I was curious so I asked my friend for some background info on them. From what she told me, chic used to go out with dude but he ended up marrying this other girl. After a while, chic and I were introduced and a couple of us got into a conversation and someone asked chic when she was going to get married.

CHIC- These things have a pattern. First of, find the man, get the ring, then comes the marriage. Now, I have the men but no ring yet and so no wedding for now.

When she said that, I looked her up and down and I have to say that any man would be proud to introduce her as his girlfriend but wife? I don't know. Why don't y'all decide?

Guys, pls answer this as guys and ladies, pls pretend to be guys for a minute.

Would you date a girl who has dreadlocks down to her back? Now, would you marry a girl who has dreadlocks down to her back?

Would you date a girl who has tattoes on her boobs? Now, would you marry a girl who has tattoes on her boobs?

Would you date a girl who smokes like a chimney? Now, would you marry a girl who smokes like a chimney?

Would you date a girl who hates anything to do with the kitchen including cleaning and cooking? Now would you marry a girl who hates anything to do with the kitchen including cleaning and cooking?

Would you date a girl who has had sex with almost all of your friends? Now, would you marry a girl who has had sex with almost all of your friends?

Would you date a girl who everyone knows as a club girl? Now, would you marry a girl who everyone knows as a club girl?

I could go on and on but I'm sure you get my point and since I'm using my phone, my fingers ache so, I'll stop here. I want answers people!!! lol
xoxo

PROFESSIONAL MASSEUSE....HARLOT

I went to the gym with wanna-be-lover a couple of hours ago and surprisingly I had fun. I thought that he would find all opportunities to touch me in the guise of "helping me out" but he didn't. At all. When we were done, he asked me if I wanted to come see his place and I said okay. (WBL moved into his condo a couple of days ago)It's a cute place. We just sit and talk for a while then he starts complaining about his shoulders. He's been doing this for the past couple of days whenever we talk. I tell him, "maybe you need a massage". Ooops...big mistake. He looks at me with those sexy eyes of his (I'm a sucker for sexy eyes)"yeah...i need a massage bad". Now how can I ignore that? "Err...do you have some lotion?" He goes to his room and comes out with some baby oil (how cute is that?)"ooookay...do you have somewhere to lie on? a flat surface?" He smiles like a lost puppy "only the bed". "ooooookaaaaay". We walk on to his room and I swear i can hear the bed saying to me "come any closer and you shall be burnt" But I always finish what I start. He offs his shirt (swallow) "i've never done this before so i don't know if it'll help" "i'll take whatever I can get right now babe". Its a queen sized bed and WBL lays oh so comfortably right smack in the middle of it! I say to myself "oh no you don't! I am not climbing into that bed". So I decide to brace it and give my massage standing by the bed. As I pour some oil on my hands, he looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I also raise an eyebrow "what?". He chuckles and lays his head down. I start my massage. I didn't expect it to be so easy but a couple of rubs here, a couple of caresses there and I have him moaning. He is so into it that I decide to climb on him. At this stage, he's going "right there.....oh yeah......that feels good......hmmm......" and my confidence is hitting the hoof as I'm experimenting with my hands and fingers. I even use my elbows. lol. There's just something about having WBL go "ooooh Bibi that feeels soooo goood" and I know I haveta get out of there or else...
Anyways the only purpose of posting this occurence is so I can be able to say/write that "I give a mean massage". Although I'm not sure it accomplished its purpose though (relaxation). He was definately not relaxed. Hehehe.

About the harlot part, I saw a movie where this guy said "Every woman is a harlot. Just depends on who's harlot you are". Hehehe. True? Or false.

HONEST SCRAP & UPDATE ON NENE

oooookay. So, i was tagged by scribbles (who i'm crushing on by the way) and i guess now i have to reveal 11 things about me? i hope i have that right. Anyways let's get to it shall we?

1. I am an only child but i grew up in a house of 16 where i was the youngest. so, it was survival of the fittest. That's where i got my badass from.

2. I get easily bored with guys. You need to keep me guessing. And so far....

3. Guys go gaga over my voice. I even had one guy offer to be my wake up call in the mornings so he could hear my voice fresh from sleep. Go figure

4. I never get mad. Upset maybe but not mad-angry. Serioulsy. Even my mother has never seen me angry. I just shrug it off or plan my revenge. Too much energy wasted on anger

5. oh, i just got my very first pair of Sam Elderman shoes. I felt it deep in my pocket but...when a girl falls in love, a girl falls in love. lol

6. I am multi-talented i guess. i design jewellries, clothes, write movie scripts, you name it, i do it. even paint. walls though. just found that out yesterday.lol

7. I really know my way around a kitchen. Nigerian, American, Kenyan and a lil chinese. I'm not even kidding.

8. I've never been in "looooove". Whenever my friends talk about that "i am on cloud nine" feeling, i go, "okay. but i'll be here to catch you when you fall back down to earth"

9. I loooove books. I own a mini library at home. i even once read three books in a day. Jeffery Archer books. And I retold the stories from beginning to end. Beat that.

10. I never had an issue with my body like some girls do. I always knew how to make my body healthy and look good

11. Finally, I want Scribbles. lol

I hereby tag The Nigerian Fetish, The Poet's voice, Au Nptural, Just DB, Enkay, Doll, oh and the guy responsible for all this, Scribbles. Have fun.

As per Nene, I took her out today and we spent all day hitting the malls. We had fun and I hope my talk had an impact. I think it did though cos by the time i took her home, she was looking and feeling much better. Even her mother noticed it. Anyways, she promised to call me whenever she felt down or felt like talking. I would have loooved to post our conversation but this therapist and role model thank you very much, practices confidentiality. lol
xoxo

SUICIDAL?

My phone rang this morning and it was a friend of my mother's, Aunty J. I was kinda surprised because she had never called to speak with me specifically. I knew then that something was not right.

Me- Hello

Aunty J- Hello? Bibi, it's Aunty J.

Me- Oh, hi Aunty J. Do you want to speak to ma?

A.J- Actually...no. I wanted to talk to you

Me- Okay, but is everything okay?

A.J- Err...not really. Nene tried to kill herself

Say what?!! Nene. Tried to kill herself. Ok, backtrack. Nene. Aunt J's little girl. About yea high, almost 14 years old, cute little girl who follows me around whenever she sees me. Loves putting on my jewellries and make-up whenever she's over at the house. Nene. Tried to kill herself.

Me- Oh my God. Is she alright?

A.J- (sounds exhausted) Yes she is. At least for now she is.

Me- Oh my God. What did she do? What happened?

A.J- She said that she was in the caffeteria in school eating when this girl took her food away from her and told her that she didn't need anymore food because she was already too fat.

Me- Are you serious?

A.J- Yes o. She took her food away from her and my Nene came back home and drank the whole bottle of bleach in the bathroom.

Me- Oh my God.

A.J- See me my dear o. I have been running from hospital to hospital for the past week.

You have got to be kidding me! Too fat?!! The poor girl can't even be described as plump! you know that stage we girls go through were we start growing breasts and our tummy's are still "poking out"? thats the stage she's at right now. So what the hell does this little bitch mean by "too fat"?

Me- Oh my God, Aunt J i'm so sorry.

A.J- Thank God abi? That she's still alive. See me o Bibi. The only child God has given to me. And now she wants to die? God forbid. Anyways, i wanted to ask a favor from you

Me- Anything ma

A.J- Well, you see i was wondering if you could spend some time with Nene and talk to her. Maybe a day or so. She's already in therapy but i just feel that she needs somewhat of a role model and since she knows you very well and although you're not a skinny girl, you're doing very well for yourself. i just thought that she might need someone like you to...you know, show her how to feel beautiful in her own skin. you know...

Me- Of course Aunt J. No problem.

A.J- Okay.

OH MY GOD. This is just too freaky for me to handle. I just still can't grasp the idea that Nene was trying to kill herself. But what else was she drinking a bottle of bleach for? Not skin bleaching obviously. She always keeps to herself but i never thought she was depressed. i just thought that maybe she was shy or something. But she's such a sweet girl. Always complimenting my hair, clothes and all that. And so pretty too. It's such a shame. Well, i hope i can help her really. Maybe get her to see that having some flesh on your bones is not that bad. Just as long as you're healthy.

For some comic relief
This whole thing had me thinking back to those days when I was growing up. Our house was not your typical family. My grandmother never liked her house to be empty so she somehow had all her children leave their kids with her. It started out with just school vacations when we came to spend the hols with her. Before you knew it, we were all living there. A total of 16 of us. Amongst us was a cousin of mine Becky. Her situation was different because her parents just got seperated because of her mother's unfaithfulness. And this really scarred her because she apparently begged her mother not to go but the woman don already get anoda bobo for outside so she just walked out on her husband and kid. Anyways, when Becky's dad brought her over to live, she was about 17 years old and very depressed.But we never knew just how depressed she really was. Until one day when we were all in the living room. Miracle ran in

Mir- Mama! Mama! Becky wan kill himself o!

Mama- Wetin u dey talk?

Mir- Becky wan kill himself for kitchen! she don carry knife O!

Mama- Heh heh? she won die heh? Okay

We all run to the kitchen to see Becky standing by the door holding a knife to her stomach crying.

Becky- Leave me alone! i want to die!

Mama- You want to die. See your mouth you selfish girl. I blame you? Baaastard. (imitating Becy) I want to die! I want to die! who dey hold you? But i beg, before you kill yourself commot for my kitchen. I just change this carpet last week. i never even pay for am finish before you want pour all your blood put on top so. see person when wan even kill himself. (hiss) you nor know say knife dey pain abi? make you go climb upstairs near the water pump make you jump. that one na one go. you go just die like that (snaps fingers). Bibi! make you and Tracy pack una things from that downstairs room enter Becky room.

Becky- But...but

Mama- But wetin? You think say you dey punish anybody? If you die, i go cry small but life dey go on abi? i go just kukuma go carry that boy when dey stay Mary house come here since we go get that extra room now. Oya Ehi, open the backyard door make she take go climb go upstairs. Becky okay now bye bye.

Mama goes back to the living room and sits there shaking her left leg like she does when she's angry.

Mama- Ehi! you don open the door for am?

Ehi- Yes mama

Mama- so wetin una still dey do for there? heh? Una want make he transfer he suicide spirit enter una? (hiss) you better come here now before i go throw you downstairs too.(hiss) Baaaaaastard.

We all left Becky in the kitchen that evening and let's just say that was the first and very last day she mentioned killing herself. Now, she's planning to get married in a couple of months.lol. Yep. i know, my grandma is crazy. But we love her that way.
xoxo

MARRYING THE AMERICAN DREAM?

Hey y’all, what’s good? Or not. Lemme start by saying, I’m not feeling too good but I’m still going to post this. So if you see any typos, it is the sick babe’s fault not the blogger. lol. Oh and Scribbles, you’re off your punishment now. lol. First of all, I want to say thanks to you all who gave some kind of feedback in my previous posts. Preciate your coming through. So, lets get down to business shall we?
My mother is known as “the matchmaker”. Seriously. Not professionally but she is a born professional at it. All of her friends, members of our church, and even some of my friends refer to her as ‘the matchmaker”. And I’ll say now that she has definitely earned that title. You won’t believe how many wedding ceremonies I have attended where my ma has been sponsor, guest of honor and all that. Now that you get my drift, let me get to my main point. A couple of months ago, Aunty Mimi came over to visit. They got talking and after a while, she got to her main reason for coming.

Mrs Mimi- Mama Bibi, you remember my sister Chi in Nigeria?

Ma- Hmm hmm. Is everything okay with her?

Mrs Mimi- yes o, you know she just graduated from Anambra state but…we still never see husband o!

Ma- Heh heh? How many years Chi be now?

Mrs Mimi- Na 28 o! 28! And no husband yet

Ma- She nor get serious boyfriend?

Mrs Mimi- Serious boyfriend ke? I don tell am tire o! but the one when she get na him classmate from school. All of them just graduate. Tell me mama Bibi, before that one go come find job, come buy house, come ready to marry, she never old finish?

Ma- That na if he go still even marry her again

Mrs Mimi- oh oh! Na so I tell am, tell am, tell am. Nor waste your time with all these small boys but e listen? No! See am now. You see am?

Ma- Na so o! all these children when nor dey listen. (hiss) so, na wetin she dey talk now?

Mrs Mimi- Na wetin she wan talk? She know say she nor get time again. She is not getting any younger. She know. I don tell am say we go look for husband for am for here. Na I say…make I come meet you . so you go help us find person.

Ma- Hmm hmm. What about the boyfriend now?

Mrs Mimi- (hiss) which kind boyfriend? She don dump am o! I beg make we talk better thing jare

Ma- okay now. But I nor know person when dey look for wife now but I go look for person.

They talk for a while longer about her “qualities” and the husband-to-be characteristics. And ma told her that she would need a couple of Chi’s pics (see, I told ya. Professional matchmaker. lol) anyway, Mrs Mimi came prepared o! she offered a whole album of Chi’s pictures but Ma only took a few and Mrs Mimi left. Nothing happened for a couple of weeks after that and then, we had this 60th bday party Ma organized. It was a really huge affair and the lady having the party had a really extended family and there were a lot of really cute sons and nephews around. Even a couple of really handsome uncles. lol. I have to say right now that while I’m out with my mum and checking a guy out, so is my mum. I check ‘em out for me, ma checks ‘em out for her “clients”. So, as we were carrying this huge cooler from the trunk, we saw Tee. He wasn’t bad looking at all and a girl would have no complains with his physicality. Before I knew it, Ma calls out

Ma- Excuse me? Young man?

Tee- Yes?

Ma- Could you please help us carry this in?

Tee- Of course ma’am.

He picks it up without a sweat and we follow him in. during the party, I had to leave with a friend and I didn’t see my ma until the day after. And boy did she have gist for me.
As the party progressed, Ma found out that Tee was actually a nephew of the celebrant and since she needed a ride home, she asked him for it. During the drive, she “casually” asked him THE question

Ma- So, are you married?

Tee- (laughs) No ma’am

Ma- Why not? Is it out of lack of interest?

Tee- No, I am interested in marriage but the right woman just hasn’t come along yet

Ma- so, what qualities are you looking for in a wife?

Tee runs through a list and all that and ma of course told me that she had the perfect fit. She showed him her pictures, and gave him her number and viola! They start long distancing. Play by play o, after just about 3 weeks of ‘dating” over the phone, I heard Tee was going to naija to meet Chi. He stayed for about 2 weeks and came back. Play by play, he started making wedding plans. Yes o! just like that. He filed for her and they got married in Naija about a month ago. Last week, I came home to meet Ma bursting with pride

Ma- Bibi, see o! them don give Chi visa to come here

Me- who give Chi visa?

Ma- Which kind question be that? Na who dey give visa? (hiss)

Me- okay, sorry. Na which day them give her?

Ma- Na today o! she just call me now now.

Me- that’s nice. So when she go come now?

Ma- Tee say na before easter o! he nor fit wait to bring him wife

Me- hmm hmm

Ma- Wetin be hmm hmm?

Me- Nuthin. At least chi don happy abi?

Ma- why are you so cynical?

Me- I’m not cynical ma, I’m just kinda surprised that they got married without really knowing each other. I mean, it’s risky enough marrying person when you don know for years talk less of marrying person when you nor know at all

Ma- Who tell you say them nor know each other?

Me- which kind know each other? I beg that one na story

Ma- Ehn. Leave am for them. Which one be your own self?

Me- Abi o. Na their own be that.

Okay my own is, yes I am kind of cynical about the whole thing. I mean, come on. how do you talk to a guy/girl for a couple of weeks, see him/her in person for a couple of days and BAM! Marry him/her. Unless it has something to do with marrying the American dream. You guys have got to agree with me that the first couple of weeks in a relationship is kinda like the “pretend stage”. Where you act your best in hopes of attracting this other person. I wonder what a potential bride/hubby does when a potential mate is coming in search for a spouse. Does she trade in her weave for some “natural” roll and set? Does she take off her “fake acrylic nails” ( Roc, Fashingaa, tell ‘em.lol). Does she go through her closet for all those hand-me-downs her ma gave her years ago but were never worn? You get my drift right? What I’m trying to convey is that the possibility that she wasn’t for real, that he wasn’t for real is like, up there.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just being “cynical” or maybe I just don’t understand what “looooove” is but I should think that before you marry someone, you would want to find out certain thing about him/her. Certain things like, how he reacts when he’s angry. How she reacts when she’s jealous. How he feels about your family. How she spends money and so on and so forth. Correct me if I’m wrong but these kind of things cannot be discovered by “dating” someone for a couple of weeks can they? And I understand that they probably were so attracted to each other that they just had to get married but I have also discovered (not from my experience though. lol) that attraction and love alone cannot keep a marriage. Things like respect, understanding, trust, belief, and a conscience are what really keeps a marriage. Of course with love mixed into it. But are these things you can find in someone after only a couple of weeks of long distancing? I don’t think so but please, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.
xoxo

NIGERIA HATERATION?

Hey y'all. What's good? or not.lol. First of all, let me say in advance that this post is one of a sensitive nature. so, if i say anything that is annoying to anyone I apologize in advance. Okaaay. So, let's get down to business. I have a question o. What is it with all this hating some other Africans are hating on Nigerians? For those of you who don't understand, let me explain it to you. I don't know if this is everywhere, but in the area where i live (Maryland US)there are quite a number of Africans but there seems to be some kind of animosity between the Nigerians and other Africans. I noticed that when I meet SOME (emphasis on some)Africans and tell them "i'm from Nigeria", their reaction becomes almost robotic. I say this from personal experience. I was once hanging out with an Ethiopian guy and all of a sudeen he told me,

GUY- you know other Africans hate you guys right?

ME- Really? why?

GUY- I asked this Camerounian friend of mine and he said that it is because you guys feel as though your country is better than the others and also because you guys feel as though you are better than other Africans because you have more opportunities in America.

What the hell?!! What is this guy talking about? And he wasn't even through yet.

GUY- They say that Nigerians are snobby and rude and that y'all think that you know everything, that you English is better and that you're better than any other African country.

Blah blah blah.
I just sat there dumbstruck like, are you serious?. I brushed it off my mind and forgot about the whole incident until about a week ago. I was waiting in the doctor's office for a physical when this girl walked in. I noticed her cos she looked like a friend's sister back in Nigeria. so, she sat a couple of seats away from me and said "hi". i said "hello" and we just sat there for a while. i just kept saying to myself, "she looks so familiar". And bite my big tongue, i decided to ask her. Big mistake

ME- Excuse me, are you Nigerian?

Chic circled her head with her hands and snapped her fingers (in the tufiakwa manner)

CHIC- God forbid. i'm from Cameroun o. Not Nigeria

Oookay. i sat down there like what the f was that about? I was trying to figure out what that outburst was all about and it seemed chic also thought that her outburst was weird because she tried explaining. Again, big mistake

CHIC- I mean, Nigerians are just too wicked and pompous. they think they know everything and that they own America. They also think that their women are the most beautiful women in Africa. They are just show offs. All of them

Is this chic for real? I sat down there quitely stewing. HOW DARE SHE?!! Who the hell does she think she is? Then, i heard two voices in my head. The first one, which was the Americanized me was like "Bibi, she's just biased. Shrug it off and let it go". While the second voice, which was the born and bred in Waffi me was like "this chic dey craze. Bibi, you go just allow am yan opata like that? do something jare". I shoved the Americanized me to the side and looked at this chic

ME- You know what? My bad. You're right, I don'k know how I could have ever mistaken you for a Nigerian. Because for one, a Nigerian would never suffer from this kind of inferiority complex thing you have going on. Plus, you're just not pretty enough because you know what else you're right about? We do have the most beautiful women.

(I just had to throw that one in to shake her rattle a lil bit. lol) She just looked at me with disdain

CHIC- So, you're from Nigeria?

ME-Hmm hmm, best place in the world

CHIC- see what i mean? you guys are so proud and arrogant. If Nigeria is such a great place, what are you all rushing here for?

ME- i'm sorry but it's not my fault if you are not as proud of your country as i am of mine. because if you start telling me about how great Cameroun is right now, i would probably say 'oh thats nice' and not that you are proud and arrogant. and by the way what gives you the right to judge us when you don't even know us?

CHIC- it's not about being proud of your country. see, i know a lot of Nigerians. i go to school with them and i work with them. they are rude, loud, disrespectful and arrogant. and you have no idea what people say about Nigerian girls

ME- Not as bad as what they say about Camerounian girls i'm sure

CHIC- what do they say?

ME- they say that y'all are useless, stupid, cheap and ugly. but unlike you, i'll rather get to know someone specifically before classifying them into a stereotype that you have no basis for

(chuckles) this chic has me sprouting all my SOC 101 terminologies o. lol anyways,

CHIC- I'm not stereotyping anyone. you all are the same....

Luckily enough, the nurse called my name and i had to leave. if not, Chic and I would have had one hot topic on our laps. but this got me thinking and for the first time i noticed something while i was on onlinenigeria.com. i started watching this movie featuring Van Vicker and some Nigerian stars. To say the least, this movie sucked like hell. i couldn't even watch up to 30 mins of it. So, i was going through the reviews to see if anyone had something good to say about it when i ran into this couple of comments.

GIRL 1- OMG. Van sucks. someone needs to teach these Ghanian actors how to act. and i don't understand why we need to have them in our movies. if you ask me, we do just fine

GIRL 2- what do you mean by these "Ghanians". why do Nigerians think that they are so high and mighty and that they are better than any other country in Africa? you all are a bunch of (i really can't type in those word here. lol)

GIRL 3- you got that right. If Nigerians were so great, why would they have our artists in their movies. Nadia is prettier than any Nigerian actress by far and if you ask me, we make their movies worth watching.

I know, these people are hilarious. i know it is not a laughing matter but really. Get real. this really had me thinking.

Nigerians are very outspoken and social. So?

We talk about our country too much. So?

We think we have the most beautiful women. So? (which we do by the way. lol)

We love to be seen and heard. So?

Are these enough reasons for us to be labelled a arrogant, rude and disrespectful people? I don't think so.
So, in conclusion if anybody has a problem with me being Nigerian, you can go drown yourself for all i care because I am loving every single ounce of Nigerian blood that flows in these veins of mine.lol
xoxo

MEN!!!

Hey y'all, what's good? or not. lol. Guys!! i'm sure every girl at one stage or another in her life has sworn of them. Well i kinda have right now too but still, they never cease to amaze and amuse me. This whole thing was brought on yesterday when i was on my way from work. I was walking to the bus stop when this dude parks his car by the sidewalk and jogs up to me. He said hi, i said hey and kept on walking. Still, dude introduced himself and the very next words out of his mouth were "you are the most beautiful i have ever seen". Boy, was i disgusted. I don't know why some guys feel that paying a girl ridiculous compliments the very first time they meet her is cool. But i have a piece of advice for these ones, it is an immediate turn off. For me at least. lol
Anyways, back to my story. i looked at this dude
Me- Excuse me?

Big mistake on my part. This only made him run into a litany of how he had been seeing me around for a long time and how he had wanted to talk to me and all that long story. (Let me just say right now that i was already in a very confrontational mood before i even met this guy). Dude kept on talking and talking and before i knew it, he broke the no 1 rule. he said "i've been in love with you for a while now". Are you serious? i almost burst into laughter but i decided to take another route.

Me- so...what exactly do you hmm like about me?

Dude- well, like i said you are the most beauti....

Me- yeah yeah, i heard that part but what exactly do you think is beautiful about me?

Dude- for one, your eyes are very sparkly

Sparkly? Sparkly? Dude please.

Dude- and your lips look very succulent

Me- just like strawberries right?

Dude- hmmm hmm. plus your hair looks so silky

Me- you never seen a weave before?

Dude- well, your skin looks like a rose's petals

What the hell? Rose's petals? how in the world would you know that? i have about six layers of clothes in this cold

Dude- you turn me on

Me- so would porn

Dude- i love your curves

Me- so, get a teddy bear

Dude- you make me feel like a man

Me- so would viagra

Dude- i think of you all through the day

Me- do you want me to pick up some job applications for you?

Dude- funny but really. i even think of you at night too. i mean, i feel as if you were made for me

Me- seriously? are you sure you wouldn't be happier with made in China?

Dude- uh?

Me- never mind

I tell you, dude was still about to go on but i just had to cut him short. it was that or shoot myself. That was by far the worst set of lines i have ever heard. when i got into my bus i started to think about it. I mean, dude was not a bad looking guy at all. tall, dark, handsome, nice cologne but his ultimate sin was unforgiveable. Damn. a word of advice for the guys, a simple "you look beautiful" would suffice, thank you very much.

Moving on to another guy episode, i have to say that karma's a bitch but i love her. lol. On saturday, i was at the mall. the winter weather had taken a chill pill and a hint of summer was out. i quickly donned on some sexy summer clothers and grabbed a pair of sandals because i was so determined not to spend such a beautiful day in. So, i was looking through the window of Ashley Stewart when this voice goes "excuse me". I turned around and it was HIM. (HIM being my 1st crush ever) "Yes?" i replied. but of course i knew it was him. How could i ever forget those eyes. Those eyes that undressed me with every glance. What about those lips that i dreamt of kissing every night for a year. and that dark chocolate skin? of course i knew it was him but i just had to form some kind of effizy. you know now. "Bibi, it's me L...remember?

Me- L?

L- Yeah, from OCK Academy...back in Warri?

Me- L...Oh yeah. L, what are you doing here?

We laughed and hugged and chi chatted for a while before i got to the question that we both knew was coming.

Me- so, how is Vivi?

let me give you some background information at this point. Vivi. the biotch. Used to be my BFF back in secondary school. We did eeeeverything together. We even wore the same bandana colors with our uniforms. Everything changed when L came into the scene. We were in our final year then and he was the new guy. i fell in lust with him instantly and so did 90% of the female population in my school. To cut a long story short, we started going out and i can say that i got my first official kiss from him. Right before i walked in on him sucking out Vivi's tongue. Yep. you heard right.so, anyways that was the end of that frienship. Dang! but we were so young and stupid. lol. Back to my story though

Me- so, how's Vivi?

L- I don't know. i guess she's okay. last i heard, she's in Uniport

Me- Oh that's good. i take it that you guys are no longer an item?

L- Naw, it didn't work out.

YES!!! (dancing a jig) it didn't work out. YES!

Me- Awwww, that's too bad

so, we had lunch and as L was flirting with me, i just sat there thinking, "L, you are so fine but i am so over you" the whole time. Let's just say that this time, i took great pleasure from walking away from him. Cos damn, i was looking fine. Other people with similar stories would say "back in high school i was fat but now i'm skinny". Well, thats not my case. Back in high school i was...normal i guess but now, i'm a handful and then some. curves and all that. lol. As i walked away, i caught him staring at me through the Macy's window. YES!!!. Well, L calls me a lot these days trying to get at me but i know it's not gonna happen. lol. Like i said, karma's a bitch but i love her.
xoxo

SORRY & MAN OF GOD & PORNOGRAPHY

Hey y'all. first of all, let me apologize for not updating in a long time. i know i'm beginning to sound like a broken record but i really am one of the most busy people right now. but na me go look for job abi? lol. the funny thing is that one day about a couple of weeks ago,i woke up at about 2am to blog. i actually started posting something only for my PC to shut off on its own. i eventually got back in and tried finding the post but i didn't. if you see the way i hissed eh. i threw the the laptop away and went back to bed. lol.



But this daylight savings thing has me confused like hell. i got to church late thinking i was early. well, thats my problem abi? anyways, i was going to blog about all the stuff that has been happening in the past month from chrianna to ini edo, but i'm sure that y'all know all that. Plus i have been hearing some stories in the past week that i would like to explore here. First one is, my mother's friend came over to visit a couple of days ago and they got talking but me being my nosy self, walked in and joined in their "discussion". lol. We got talking and she told us about her former pastor. This guy is a Nigerian who lives in the united states without documents (he nor get kpali)lol. well, like all other people who do not have papers, he looked for ways to get one and remember, he is a pastor. so, according to what she said, this guy paid an african-american woman to marry him and file for him. but what tipped the ice burg is that this pastor is already married to a Nigerian woman and now because of all the immigration investigation which occurs, he asked his real wife to move out while the fake wife moved in with him. and this man stands in front of the altar everyday to preach still. is that okay? for anyone to do talk less of a man of God?
i mean, i understand that the only way to succeed in this country is God and your papers but for a man of God whose work is to help us in our quest for salvation to do this, i don't know.

and another thing that i found out is that a research was conducted by this organization that tracks pornography viewers, (i forgot their name) shows that the states that view pornography more than others, are conservative states. You know, those states that refused to vote for Obama. lol. seriously, conservatives are the ones with family values and are majorly christians. This research claims that they are the major viewers of pornography. according to this research, they keep the pronography industry in business.lol. Another thing they discovered was, that whenever christians came into a town for a retreat,seminar or things like that, the internet monitor in these hotels note that the rate of pronography viewing shots off the roof. Amazing isn't it? lol

Talking about pornography, i once saw this tyra banks episode where there was an agrument about it. the question is, when we talk about pornography, our minds go straight to men. But research has shown that these days women also view them just as much as men. So, is it okay for a woman to watch porno?
well, i haveta run now. working night today.lol. kisses people. have fun with it