March 31, 2009

REVEREND FATHER

Hey y'all, what's good? First of, let me say that this post might be upseting to some people but I am a catholic. Baptised, holycommunioned and confirmed. So this ain't no hating business.
A couple of years ago when I got into UNIBEN, I lived in the school hostel *shakes head* You know how it is. Anyways, during my second year, my cousin Mimi and I got an apartment in Ekosodin. We had a couple of house rules that we both had to follow but the rules didn't even matter cos we both knew each others likes, dislikes and limits. Mimi was very active in church and she was friends with the reverend fathers. So I was kinda surprised when she came home with this guy one day. She introduced him as father Vincent and I was also kinda shocked because he didn't look like a reverend father to me. He was really young and cute and didn't have none of those collar thingy (I forget the name). So, we all get talking and like I said, he wasn't like no reverend I had ever met. When it started to get dark, I began to wonder when he was going to leave because Ekosodin is not a place where you want to be moving about at night. I looked over at my cousin.

ME- Mimi, can I talk to you for a sec?

MIMI- Sure. Excuse us father Vincent

We walk over to the bathroom.

ME- Mimi, time don dey go o. When father Vincent dey go?

MIMI- (looking sheepish) Err....I didn't tell you before but ehm....I told father Vincent that he could ehm spend the night here.

ME- Because of wetin? Why will he stay here? What happened to the parish house?

MIMI- well, since he came here on personal business, he can't stay in the parish house and he doesn't have anyone here.

ME- So? Okay, even if he was going to spend the night why didn't you tell me so I could go over to Ruthie's place...

MIMI- And leave me here alone with him? No o! I just thought that at least with both of us in the house, nobody will say anything

ME- And you didn't tell me about it at all? I don't like this o Mimi. I don't like it.

MIMI- I beg na, I nor go do am again.

So we went back into the room and gisted until we all fell asleep. I don't know how long I had slept for before I began to feel it.
"It" being someone's fingers. Inside of me. I tell you, I thought I was dreaming. Until I started hearing all these grunts. I don't know about you but my dream men, do not grunt. lol. So I woke up but laid still. Then I began to understand what the heck was going on. Father Vincent was.....you knowing me! I screamed at him.

ME- What are you doing?

FV- Nothing....just....I saw a...an ant going into your dress so I....

ME- You saw an ant going into my dress, so what were your fingers doing in....there?

FV- I didn't mean to touch you.....it just called out to me. All i wanted to do was help

At this time, I looked down at FV's pants and it was bulging like crazy! I look at my cousin and she was sleeping so deep that you would burn the house up and she would sleep through it. I look at the time and it was 2am! I looked back at FV

ME- (sigh) Just...stay away from me. I'll pretend this never happened. just stay away from me. I'm gonna go back to bed now...

FV- I'm sorry, i didn't mean......

ME- Wharever

WTF? So i went back to bed. I didn't really sleep deep, just in case. and really a couple of minutes later when I guess i started breathing deeply like I was asleep, guess what? I felt the reverend's hands sliding up my waist. Initially, he was hesistant but when I didn't move, he grew bolder. I waited until I could actually catch him in the act. But this time, he actually had the guts to hold my boobs! I turned around and slapped him so hard, he actually jumped off the bed.

ME- Are you crazy? craze dey worry you for head? or did you see another ant?

FV- No, I....

ME- Shut up! You pervert!Oh my God!

FV- sssshhh. please lower your voice

ME- Which kind lower my voice? i should even be throwing you out of my house right now. How dare you call yourself a man of God and try to molest me!

At this stage, i was screaming so loudly, my cuz woke up

MIMI- What's going on?

ME- Ask your reverend! Imagine him putting his hands on me

MIMI- Heh? You say wetin? He touch you?

Trust me, but my cuz angry, is not a sight you want to behold. it was just as though all the sleep left her eyes and she got up and held him by his shirt.

MIMI- HOW DARE YOU! I brought you into my house and you have the guts to lay your hands on my sister?

FV- No....no...it's not what you think....i can expla....it was the devil! the devil was....

MIMI- Shut your ass up you dolt. which devil? By the way, what exactly did he do?

At this stage, i was feeling sorry for the pervert cos my sister was about to scratch his eyes out.

ME- Errr...when i woke up he was touching my boobs.....

MIMI- HE WAS TOUCHING YOUR WHAT?!!!

Next thing i knew she was hitting him like a mad woman o! I even had to protect the guy from her. After a little while, she went into the kitchen.

ME- Mimi, what are you doing? don't even think about it.

As i turned to warn the asshole, what i saw was his car lights as he left. That made me laugh like a mad woman o! when my sister came back, she had a knife with her.

MIMI- Why u dey laugh? you think this is funny heh? where is that dog?

ME- the dog don run. i beg give me knife jare. wetin you for even use am do anyway?

MIMI- He get luck say he run. Idioooooooot. na only your breast he touch abi?

ME- Errr....yes. i wake up quick

MIMI- Good. he get luck o! If say he touch anywhere else, i for go report am for church. abi you want make i still report am?

ME- no, just let am go.

That was the last we heard of father Vincent. That guy was a lucky ass dude cos my sister is spitting wafarian crazy. This cracks me up every time.

95 comments:

Original Mgbeke said...

Furst.

Original Mgbeke said...

Ewwww. God forbid! Can you just imagine that kind of nonsense? I mean the fact that he was gonna crash with you guys should have been a warning sign sef. *Tufia*

mizchif said...

LMAO! Ekosodin, memories mehn, University palace hotel and all dose off camp hostels like God's grace (BTW i wasn't a UNIBEN student oh)

As for that fake rev. hmmmm......na waya oh! But ur cousin was wrong 4 assuming it was cool for him to slp over. What if he had chosen her instead, she might have slept thru it and been none the wiser in the morning!

JustDB said...

Hahaha -- Bibi -- Father Vincent see UNIBEN/ Ekosodin babe no mind im elf! See wahala o!!! Na devil cause am jare.. free Father Vincent!

Bibi said...

ORIGINAL MGBEKE- yes oh. ewwwwww and tufia all in one. lol

MIZCHIF- so how come you know all these places? or where you like father vincent there on personal business? *wags eyebrow*

JUST DB- see me see wahala o! nor be only devil. make he carry go!

Saved Girl said...

oh my!!!interesting post.

Nice Anon said...

lol. lmao! Am I the only one who finds this very funny? From his name father Vincent to ... Na wa ooh.That guy is a pervert and it is every funnier when he said the devil.. the devil ko

BSNC said...

a whole revered father. what is the world turning into. what is it with people touching you when you are sleeping especially person boobies....

you would have allowed your cousin to give him the beating of his life.

ohh great uniben. i remember that school. maybe i would blog about it one day.

Adaeze said...

OMG!
Disgusting. I'm so concerned about all these innocent people who turn out having a really dirty mind. You guys should have reported him! Woooo...imagine how many others he'll try doing the same to.
It was really nice reading about how your cuz beat the crap out of him, haha :-D

Unknown said...

Lol @ ur sis havin wafarian craze..

LG said...

NAWA O! make God save us
but babes una 4 report am to him parish, make dem no him 'runs KAI!

Roc said...

Lmao.. Priceless..

The ways men sneak into women rooms under false pretences.. Wonder if a 'Father Roc' would have worked.. Lol

The devil gets blamed for all sorts of stuff.. Poor guy.. Especially as he is not omnipresent..
I can just picture him showing up one day shouting "na lie! I dey abuja that time.. Why u dey blame me"

Giagerry said...

looooool...ewwwww..!
newaiz these things happen o...u nd ur cuz 4 stay one bed so father for stay alone on the other...dat way if he wants to touch he would touch himself.looooool.
nd Ekosidin..awww i miss uniben!!

Anonymous said...

Chei! Bibi, that's why I love you girl, cuz you not afraid of telling stories like this..

But why didn't you let your cousin beat the hell out of him? Why didn't you beat the hell out of him. Hell, why didn't yall report him to the church? I mean.. I feel that to be highly offensive. He could at least have did that when you were awake.. Not when you were asleep..


See, everyone is corrupt. Trust nobody. Only the ones, that you know can be trusted. I can't believe this. I'm angry for you!

scribble,me.free said...

lmao & @Roc..i know right? poor guy should hire himself a lawyer and sue all these pple for slander..fix the a/c in hell with the proceeds

Bibi, an ant? he saw an ant? I dont really have much of a problem with the rest...but the fact that he said he saw an ant...lol..but seriously that's jokes

Roc said...

@ s.m.f..
True that.. He'd have got away with it if he said he sleep-walked, slipped and landed hands-first on Bibi's emm.. emm...

Bibi said...

SAVED GIRL- thanxs for stopping by.

NICE ANON- abi? Devil ko devil ni

BSNC- I beg o! I nor want make reverend father die for my room. lol

ADAEZE- shev would have killed him. Seriously

QUBE THE WORDSMITH- for real

Bibi said...

LG- lol @ runs

ROCNAIJA- You are hilarious. Lmao @ the devil bit. But you never know really, a father Roc might have worked. lol

JHAZMYN- abi o!

GEE- We had only one bed. And he even slept on the floor o! Still......

THE NIGERIAN FETISH- don't be angry o! I just pitied for him now. Sorry. lol

SCRIBBLES- lol. Well, unlike you, he doesn't have much practice I guess.

ROCNAIJA- *innocent eyes* slipped on my what Roc?

bumight said...

are u kidding me? you guys should have made him sleep on the floor in the first place!

Father Vincent wanted a threesome? lmao!

scribble,me.free said...

Bibi...err..what exactly are you insinuating with that comment? lol

Bibi said...

BUMIGHT- He was on the floor! Yep I guess he wanted a threesome. lol

TAY-MEE- Yep, gotta love Mimi. lol

SCRIBBLES- insinuating hon? No way! I was just saying that he wasn't as smooth and suave as you are when it comes to things like this. No pun intended. lol

Buttercup said...

dang..what the hell????????

only God knows how many other poor victims there r..mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha, I'm sorry but i cant stop lauching. ahh father vincent
I like your sister jare, thats how its supposed to be done. removing an ant indeed *mchew*
with the double standards we have back home, the church or people may have even blamed your sister and you for allowing him sleep or for enticing him....hahaha, i still cant remove the imagination of your sister coming to the defense

Bibi said...

BUTTERCUP- na so we see am o!what's up with ur blog? Can't post a comment.

NAIJAGIRL- I know o! Which is why I just wanted him to go with his wahala

The Activist said...

This is a tough one. The Devil indeed. If you no fit hold body no need being a father, leave the calling, settle down and have "holy" sex.

I have being thinking of doing a post on how I was nearly raped by one muslim brother in one club I joined when I was young and another of my step brother and another by my mum's trusted ally... Might get around it some day.

So many crazy pervert out there. And they look responsible and all. God help us

Apinke said...

na wa o, u for let ur sis beat satan commot for im system!

but ur cuz sef, she for don suspect when REV father wan crash for chic room, which kain personal bizz im wan do before sef?

QMoney said...

dis is d funniest post i have read today.
a father actually has a gf near my house,dem never born yet but he comes at night,drinks and they av a nice time togeda.no be today naa?
i know u are catholic but it takes d special grace of God oh.even all those people in opus dei and stuff way no fit do?am surprised they are still in dis generation sha

QMoney said...

God u are soooooooooooo funny.i jus read all the posts on this page!
dat becky's story had me in tears,i had to call my colleagues to come and read.......
how far wit wbl?

Anonymous said...

Wow... hmmm I can believe this though because in Nigeria I came across two Reverend fathers who were both behaving in a not so appropriate manner... and I have heard countless more stories... Revenrend Fathers should not be awarded any more leeway than any other man would be... This church stuff is just business these days.

ShonaVixen said...

OMG...he saw an ant????Rev Father Vinnie...LOL...LOL!!! Girl this made my day

Bibi said...

STANDTALL THE ACTIVIST- I nor know for them o! But when/if you do those posts, I would love to read them. Thanx girl.

OMOTEE- I beg o! I nor want dead body for my house o.

QMONEY- *bowing* thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much. I dedicate this award to......lol. Thanx girl, I'm glad you like my post. I love your blog too o!

NOLLYWOODFOREVER.com- True. These days it's all bizness for some of these "men of God". Shame

SHONAVIXEN- I nor know for the guy o. Na ant nai he chase enter my vajayjay. lol. Thank

L-VII said...

Lol, you all shoulda stripped him before he left, oloshi pastor.

Confessions of a London gal said...

Father Vincenttttttttttt!!!!
Ahn ahn!! Which kain father be that one? Na real wao

Me like ur cousin a looot! Reminds me of my craziest friend..lol

Anya Posh said...

wow...what a guy. your life is really interesting and dramatic.

Gourmet Truffle said...

eeewww! mehn u shud have reported...all these so called men of God! chai! hmmmn u even tryd sef...u still went bk to sleep...mehn nawa o!

Anonymous said...

dis tin sha happen 4 dat ekosodin?

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